I Fall In Love With Fabulosity, Not Genitalia

Thursday’s Child has a great post up about ignorance regarding the labels that people use to define themselves. She says, “I don’t know what those terms mean – gay, queer, femme, butch, boi, pansexual. Gay and queer aren’t the same thing? I openly admit my ignorance because I want to learn and I want to do so without offending anyone.”

I’m so glad that she asked and opened up a forum for discussion on it. I love when people ask me how I define myself because I find it respectful and it makes me feel as though they are trying to understand me as a person. As I said in my comment, how will we ever learn if no one ever asks? This was my response to how I personally define myself:

“I’m queer. I’m not straight and I’m not gay. I’m a little bent (hence, not straight). I won’t take offense to being called bisexual. That label seems to be one that most people can understand. But I personally identify as queer. To me, queer is not straight. And I am not straight. I’m a fan of saying that I fall in love with fabulosity, not genitalia. I like who I like, regardless of gender or sex. I just personally prefer “queer” to “bisexual” because I feel like it is a less rigid definition and is inclusive of people who may be genderqueer. If I say I’m bisexual, it implies that I am only attracted to men and women. If I say I’m queer, it allows for the inclusion of men, women, FTMs, MTFs, and any gender variance in between.”

I also noticed while writing this that the way that I define my sexual orientation has evolved from when I explored my bisexuality here. I’ve adapted my definition to use a term that includes a greater variety of genders, since bisexuality implies that there are only 2 genders when that is definitely not the case.

What are your guys’ thoughts on it? How do you define yourself? Chime in in the comments or over at Thursday’s Child’s place.
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  1. The Promo Homo
    Posted March 18, 2009 at 8:26 pm | Permalink

    I define myself many-a-ways, depending on my mood:

    queer, gay, lesbian, dyke, a big homo, the promo homo (heh), etc.

    I'm not very picky personally. Just dont call me butch or I'll freak out. :D


    My verification word is "unflat".

    It made me think of boobies and how I like 'em. :D

  2. PrettyPrettyPrincess
    Posted March 18, 2009 at 10:03 pm | Permalink

    Very thought-provoking. I like the way you are describing queer. I've always known I wasn't 100% straight. At one point I came out to my family, so they would know I was equally likely to date a girl or a boy. When pressed, I usually use the term bisexual, but I am going to think about your use of the word queer. I would date a transgender person…it's actually something I think about. There is so much to my sexuality I've not yet explored…but I'm open. That is really how I identify – as open.

  3. alana
    Posted March 18, 2009 at 10:14 pm | Permalink

    I try to never limit myself with labels but people are so demanding of them sometimes it seems (I'm sure you know exactly what I mean).

    I like women, I love men. That's really the easiest way to say it. Even though I like women sexually, I don't know if I could ever have a full penis free relationship. lol

  4. Britni TheVadgeWig
    Posted March 18, 2009 at 10:18 pm | Permalink

    Alana, I call that "heteroflexible!"

    It means someone who will sleep with people of both sexes but that only have relationships with the opposite sex :)

  5. alana
    Posted March 19, 2009 at 2:27 pm | Permalink

    Thanks! That'll work for me. :)

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