I will touch on this a little, since I mentioned it yesterday but never really told the whole story on this blog.
Bartender and I dated for almost a year. He was a 35-year-old (I’m 23) career bartender with a 13-year-old daughter and was in and out of jail his whole life. While we were dating he spent 40 days in jail only to be sentenced to a year of house arrest when he got out. He is only half way through that sentence now. He has bad teeth, a drug problem, and is fat and ugly. He is an uneducated, closed-minded, bigot. He is so beneath me that it isn’t even funny. But I never cared for a second.
He tells people that I cheated on him, which is not true. Someone told me that he had a new girlfriend, so I showed up to his house and walked in on him fucking another girl (his “girlfriend” of 2 months). So I left, and slept with the girl who told me about it.
Instead of admitting that he had done anything wrong, he acted like I hurt him so badly by sleeping with one of his best friends, when he was the one that had a girlfriend before we had even broken up (things were rocky at that point). He manipulated and twisted the facts to the point that I actually believed that I was the one who had messed up.
I would bring him lunch and give him a ride to work and he would tell me I was beautiful, and that he missed me, and would hold my hand and give me kisses. And the second he got out of the car, the reverse texts would come. I can’t give you what you want, I can never forgive you for what you did, I don’t want to be with you.
This went on for 2 months until I finally cut ties. I couldn’t handle it anymore, I was an emotional wreck. I had slipped into depression, was crying all the time, vomiting all the time, and never left my bed. We hadn’t spoken in almost 2 months until Sunday, which is what I wrote about here.
He is toxic for me. He is not good for me. He never treated me well. He said some horrible things to me. And yet, part of me feels like if he called and asked me to come back tomorrow, I would say yes. I have a habit of loving people who are not good to me or for me. I think I can change them, but deep down I know I can’t.
It’s about breaking the pattern and breaking the cycle. And this time, I’m going to do it. I have to do it.
I'm Britni, a snarky bitch and generally awesome person. I write about sex, love, and bullshit. If sex-positivity, discussions about BDSM and kink, queer issues, and topics that are completely inappropriate by society's standards make you uncomfortable, then this blog is not for you.
Good Vibes 
7 Comments
The more I read about other people's relationships, the more grateful I am for my double dose of 334.
Hey! I found your blog via Fyrchks and I think it's crazy interesting! I feel like a stalker because over the past week or so I've been reading just about everything you've written. I keep coming back to read a few posts here and there, so I finally decided to comment and link you.
Anyway, I too have always had the problem of falling for shitty guys. Shit, I even married one. (just ask Fyr about that) I finally came to a point in my life where I realized how much I had to offer and that I was sick of settling because either the guy was really hot or could fuck like a champ.
As much as I liked the "bad boy" trait in a guy, I deemed it impossible to find a guy who would treat me the way I deserve to be treated AND have that "bad boy" trait. I decided that I needed the "nice guy". You know, the one who always finishes last. The problem with the "nice guy" is that he either a) really really sucked in bed b) had absolutely NO balls (figuratively speaking of course) or c) was ugly. And let's face it, there has to be attraction.
But there are nice guys out there who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated, fuck you the way you want or at least be willing to learn to fuck you the way you want (ex. my boyfriend), have some balls, be smart, funny AND attractive. Believe me, they are few and far between, but they're out there, I promise.
Either way, you do deserve better and you know that. From what I've read you're very intelligent, funny, sexy, funny and honest. You don't deserve anything less so don't sell yourself short with asswipes like Bartender.
Shit, my first comment is a fucking novel! Sorry. =(
Saw your Blog through Seduction of Infedlity. Great Blog Keep up the great work!
Oh crap, he really is lame! I see now. Thanks for filling in the blanks.
And you're a babe.
I've already told you what I think…but just know that I support you!
He is beneath you, doesn't care about anyone but himself, and most definitely doesn't deserve you.
Don't tie yourself down to a douchebag.
Thanks for the encouragement, you can never hear it too many times.
And hi, new readers! I'm glad you found me!
i've fallen for people who were clearly beneath me too, and have been through a lot of rubbish drama with people fucking with my head. the best way to avoid it is to avoid the people fucking with your head, in your case mr. bartender. the best thing would be not to let him contact you or say anything to you at all, even if it's hard, because such people can be manipulative beyond imagination. my ex tried everything to get attention from me, saying he loved me in one moment, and then that he had other girls and that i was nothing in the other – for then again to text me saying i had to call him or he would comitt suicide.. it wasn't out of love for me, it was because he needed attention – like a child, and he would do anything to get it. he didn't care if it was good or bad attention as long as i didn't forget him. don't fall for the lies, see other people, do other things, move on, there's so many NICE and AMAZING people out there who will only treat you well, so why waste time on someone who won't:)