Embarrassing Moments In Photography

I had done this post on my old blog, and a lot of people liked it, so I thought I would do it again. This is kind of an “in my life” post, where I post pictures of me throughout the years, and you can see how gracefully I have aged and matured and grown. And really appreciate how fucking hot I am, because goddamn some of these pictures are scary. Here goes.
I was born 2 1/2 months prematurely, and weighed just 2 pounds, 9 ounces. Because of this, I came out looking like a mutant ET baby:

Not cute. Luckily, my forehead did not stay that large for long, and I became a much cuter Britni. Here I am playing with toys and smiling. I have also gotten some hair, which may be why my forehead no longer appears to be a sixhead.

Here, I am showing off my newly acquired teeth. I look like a resident of Bumfuck, Tennessee or B.F.E., Maine now. I am proud of them there teeth. All three of them.
In this next picture, I appear to be licking some stray food off my face. Notice that I always a) liked to be naked and b) knew how to accessorize. Even though I am only wearing a diaper, I made sure to have a pretty necklace on with it. It’s called killer style. Be jealous.
And, and here is pretty, pretty princess Britni. This is my true self, and even at a young age, I knew it. I look Mexican here. Also, note the quasi unibrow. We took care of that with some waxing a few years later. Even still, I know I am pretty and wonderful and deserve to be treated like royalty. But you already knew that.
Ah, the gymnastics picture. Here is your first crotch shot. Also, note the awful Dorothy Hamill haircut that my mother forced me to have. Now, not only do I look Mexican, but I look like a Mexican boy. Awesome.
Here is a picture that was taken for my 90-second foray into modeling. I still have the godawful Dorothy Hamill cut, but now it is fancy for the professional photographer. I look like either Alyssa Milano or Scott Baio. If you know what is good for you, you will say Alyssa Milano.
Here I am freshman year of high school. If you ever wondered why I had no boyfriends until I was 16, this is why. I was really, really awkward and ugly. Also, a late bloomer. Okay, I don’t even want to think about this picture anymore. Next.
This is me cheerleading. Because most people do not believe that I was actually a cheerleader in high school, I usually need to procure photographic evidence to prove it. This is also your second crotch shot of the post.
Here I am at prom. My hairdresser did a fabulous job of making my hair that was dyed a horrendous blonde (prepare to be horrified if you click that link) look pretty good. I loved this dress. Also, when I weigh a whopping 98 pounds (which I did back then) my dimples become really prominent.
And finally, my senior picture. This is what I looked like at the end of my school years. Which is nothing like I look now. Normal.
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  1. The Promo Homo
    Posted September 19, 2008 at 12:05 am | Permalink

    The video of you cheerleading is the best.

    And, yes, I know I should feel special. You don't show that to just anyone. Blah, blah, blah…

    But I do have to say… you were a fucking AMAZING flyer (do I have my cheerleading jargon, correct?).

    I still wanna see video footage of you doing some beam routines. You were tops at that too, if memory serves, and I loves me some gymnastics.

  2. Osbasso
    Posted September 19, 2008 at 12:37 am | Permalink

    I recall almost all those pictures, but I hadn't really thought about the Scott Baio look until you mentioned it! Possibly, but no question about Alyssa!

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