I received a text from my 19-year-old (now 21-year-old) last summer/this summer fling last night that said, “Why is that people like us who have so much love to give can’t find someone worth giving it to?”
That was the straw that broke the camel’s back for me. I have been in a funk for a few weeks, and have just been unbelievably unhappy. I break down in tears all the time, often for no reason. The breakup with Bartender has affected me much more than I like to admit. And that text sent me over the edge. I lost it.
I know that I am a good person. I know that I have so much love to give, and would love to find someone to give that love to. But this time, I know that it needs to be someone who is capable of returning that love. Someone who has the capacity to love me as completely as I love them.
I’m in no rush to find that person, but it has been a long time since I have been alone. Sleeping in a bed and having no one next to me takes getting used to. Not having someone to call and say good night to is weird. It gets lonely, because I am so used to having that companionship.
But I refuse to settle for another emotionally crippled person who is incapable of showing love and affection. I may have to wait a while, but next time, I will find the love that I know that I deserve.
I'm Britni, a snarky bitch and generally awesome person. I write about sex, love, and bullshit. If sex-positivity, discussions about BDSM and kink, queer issues, and topics that are completely inappropriate by society's standards make you uncomfortable, then this blog is not for you.
Good Vibes 
3 Comments
You took the words right outta my mouth.
This sucks.
Sometimes, being alone makes you realize that you are deserving of better than you've been getting. It is one of the hardest things to do–to be alone–but if you can do it even for just a few months, you may gain new perspective.
It's just one guy's opinion, but if you give yourself that love, and tell the crippled narcissists to fuck off, you may find the types of people you attract improving. Or at least, you'll know the shady useless bastards when you see them.
It's called growing up. As much as it may hurt to realize… Congratulations, and welcome!
(that wasn't supposed to be as condescending as it might sound)