Clarification and Explanation

I’m responding to the anonymous comments from my previous post not as a defense, but more as an explanation. I know the comments were not left in a cruel vein, and trust me, I appreciate the honesty. I also know that a lot of other people probably feel the same way as anonymous about my post.

Complaining about too many people falling for you is like complaining that your wallet is too heavy from all the money in it. It is greedy and selfish. Try being without love or companionship, then see if it is so rough.

I know that to many people, my problem seems like something that is not a problem at all. And I’ll admit, sometimes it’s quite nice. But it can be a double-edged sword, too. I can’t have any platonic male friends. I know that for the most part, guys are usually friends with girls because they would like something more, but my friendships go beyond this. Every guy that I try to befriend confesses their love for me and becomes obsessed. They have to be cut off, and then I’ve lost a friend. Or I’ll go on one or two dates with a guy and feel like the chemistry is not there. But somehow, they saw chemistry and then some. They call all the time, don’t get the hints, and then I end up being the asshole. It gets hard when you don’t know who’s truly your friend and who’s just there to get in your pants. It’s hard when your male friends get pissed at you for going on dates and get possessive and jealous even though they aren’t your boyfriend.

And sometimes it’s nice to have a lot of guys to take my mind off of what is bothering me, but at the end of the day, none of those relationships really mean anything. There’s still nothing real and true there, and I miss that. Surrounding myself with tons of guys does nothing to help my broken heart mend, it just masks it and makes it worse.

So although some people would kill to be in the position that I’m in, and some days I’m very grateful for it, there are times when it becomes overwhelming and more than I can take. Yesterday was just one of those times.

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