Most of you will not want to read through this entire post. It is more for me to figure out what the fuck is going on. I promised (Ex) Boyfriend that I would give him as much space and time as he needed to figure things out, if there was even the slightest chance that he would want to be with me. But there were a lot of things that he didn’t tell me, that I couldn’t figure out, that I didn’t understand. I had my ideas as to why he was doing what he was doing, but I couldn’t talk to him. So I decided to write him an email. This is the email I sent. It is long, but I think it was perfect:

“I have some things that I need to get off of my chest. I’m not going to call you, because I told you that I would give you space, but I feel like there are some things that I need to say to you.

If you had asked me what the one thing in my life that I was sure about was, I would have said me and you. It was the one thing in my life that I had no doubt was real and good and true and stable. I knew that you were confused about a lot of things in your future, but I was prepared to be that constant in your life, and to be the person you could lean on for support, the person who would help you figure stuff out, even if it meant that in the end I got left behind.

And you say that things go too serious. But you know what? How serious were they really? Do you want to know what this relationship was to me? Yes, we said I love you. Yes, we talked about doing things a few months down the road, but I
don’t think that December is all that unrealistic. It’s not like I talked about us in 2 years and had named our kids and planned our wedding. I know we spent a lot of time together, but if you had wanted some space, I would have understood. It didn’t have to get to this point. To me, this relationship was about two people who genuinely enjoyed each other’s company. That’s it. Yes, I’m in love with you, but I’m not delusionally so that I think that this is the end all and be all of my life. At this time in my life, I thought it was perfect because I enjoyed being with you, and I assumed that you felt the same. You made me happy.

And I know that I made you happy. I could see it. Someone who did all of the things that you did for me does not doubt his love. Don’t try and convince yourself that you don’t love me or don’t want to be with me because you’re scared. You have nothing to be afraid of. I honestly just want to spend time with the person who makes me happy. I don’t expect you to stay here for me in April, or anything of that sort. I expect you to live your life. But right now, I don’t see where the problem lies.

I know that you’ve been hurt before. And maybe when I told you about sleeping at JackRabbit’s you said you didn’t care, but you actually cared more than you realized. Maybe you realized how much I actually could hurt you, so you hurt me before you could have your heart broken again. I don’t know. I do know that you’re running from something for no good reason, and running from someone who cares about you a lot, and wants nothing more than to cuddle with you, and call you and talk about the Red Sox, and make love to you. I’m not looking for my life partner. It’s not as serious as you think it is. I just enjoy spending time with you, and I thought you felt the same way. If you wanted to spend less nights over here, that would have been fine. If you wanted to take a few days apart sometimes, that would have been fine. And it still will be, if you decide to come back to me.

Don’t say that you never were sure about this. Because you were. You always were. I could seeit in your eyes, and I can still see it. I don’t understand why you’re doing this, and I don’t know whatall of those “crazy thoughts” going through your head are, but I want to be the one stable thing in your life while you’re unsure about everything else.

I love you, and please think about everything I said. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right here waiting for you to think every thing over.

Britty”

So what was his response? His response was this:

“Britty,

Thanks you for thinking and caring about this so much. I cant express how right you are with everything you’ve said, but there are still things inside me that im figuring out.

I regret the drastic and dramatic measures i took the other day, that wasn’t fair to you. Im going to Maine this weekend with Chuck, were going to do some hiking and hanging out.

Thanks for your support. You do make me happy.

(Ex) Boyfriend”

What? What the fuck does that mean? Or say? It says NOTHING. It says that I’m a mind reader who’s always right about everything, and that yes, I do make him happy. But it also says Thanks for your support, like I’m in his fan club or made a donation to his company. So, he’s going away for a few days, and I get to live three more days of my life with no answers to anything.