I got this message…
I definately don’t take myself seriously and am kind of looking for a partner in crime which I don’t think you would have a hard time fulfilling. I do have a thin for short girls with attitude so naturally Im sending you this message. I love your style and would be very happy to hear that you have a Bike and want to adventure. let me kno!
and decided to check out the guy’s profile, even though I a) was annoyed by the spelling/grammar, b) am not short, and c) do not own a bike, have never owned a bike, and do not know how to ride a bike.
The profile was GOLD.
I amuse myself. ill prolly amuse yourself too. I know how to spell, and use grammar but find it more fun to write how i talk. Also i tend to talk in ways that amuse me. don’t be a stickler, you’re not my mom, lets have some fun. i like to bike, paint, snowboard, play pool/darts, hang out, and most of all, adventure, and second most of all the Bruins. Seriously. Its like i could be in fever pitch 2.
I think that third line is actually an excuse because he doesn’t know how to spell or use grammar. But I’m glad that, at the very least, he amuses himself. I’m also glad he’s not looking to date his mom. Furthermore, wasn’t Fever Pitch about baseball? Yeah, that’s what I thought.
Let’s continue.
Although my life is pretty much an open book if your worth telling it to, i guess i would have to say that its (even though ive come along way from with this) i care too much, and that leads me and girls im with to get too serious too soon. I hope that the next person im with has as much self controll with their emotions as i have accuired, but if your the right girl ill be open to your extra lovin’.
This must be an example of him “writ[ing] how [he] talk[s].”
Too bad I don’t own a bike.
I'm Britni, a snarky bitch and generally awesome person. I write about sex, love, and bullshit. If sex-positivity, discussions about BDSM and kink, queer issues, and topics that are completely inappropriate by society's standards make you uncomfortable, then this blog is not for you.
Good Vibes 
9 Comments
Right, dude. I can see through you. People who know how to spell don’t make spelling mistakes like “accuired.”
It actually took me a few minutes to figure out what, exactly, that word was supposed to be. Context clues, FTW.
Aww, but Britni! C’mon! He’s just a fun-lovin’, amusin’ guy!
Who also has no reading comprehension!
But he likes the Bruins, so I mean really, what else can you ask for? Don’t you know what you’re missing out on?!
(side note: I love when my sarcasm causes me pain.)
“i care too much, and that leads me and girls im with to get too serious too soon. I hope that the next person im with has as much self controll with their emotions as i have accuired”
The first sentence and the second don’t go together. Is he a clingy serial monogamist or a cold, emotionally unavailable tease? At least we know he loves the Bruins anyway!
I like how he’s written “Bike” with a big B, the Bike must be very important to him!
He writes how he talks, eh? So whenever he says “I’ll” out loud, he actually says ill? That’s ill. Or something.
Ahem. Fever Pitch is actually a novel about Nick Hornby’s obsession with the Arsenal soccer team. And the book? Primarily about soccer, not about romance (romance creeps in on the side, but just). Not knowing that fact would be grounds for a no writeback for me since I thought the lame Sox-themed movie with two leads that I dislike was pretty dumb. And who would want to be thought of like the lead in that movie? I mean, I’m a pretty huge Red Wings fan, but the place where I differ from the dude on this is that I don’t think it’s something that’s the most interesting thing about me.
Something tells me he was talking about that awful movie. I’d be quite impressed if he knew all that. I could be wrong though.
Oh, I’m SURE he was talking about the awful movie. My least favorite is the guys who think that their interest in the Sox is super original. You and every other 20something douche in the city, guy.