Day 1: Your Best Friend

I’m actually scared to post this. This is going to be more emotional than any of you probably know, because this is a really, really sensitive subject for me. I’m actually going to post the last letter I ever wrote to my best friend, almost two years ago now. A little background: I still call her my best friend, though we’ve only spoken about 5 times in two years at this point. We’ve been friends since age 6. We’re very different people, but we always supported each other and allowed each other to be who we were. Even though we hardly ever understood each other, we never judged each other. And then one day, she judged me. We went to lunch. I was single, and doing the online dating thing. I had seen 3 guys in a week, and she looked at me and told me that I was “disgusting.” I left in tears. I wrote her this email on that day, and she never responded.


Ugh. Today was hard. Today really upset me. I know that we are different people and we are in different places in our lives and that is okay. I don’t agree with your views on everything, and I would not want to live my life the way you live yours, and that’s okay too. But I don’t judge you for them. In all the ways that you think that my views are too open, too out there, that I don’t respect myself, I think that yours are too uptight, too conservative, and too narrow-minded. But they are YOUR views. And I respect your right to have them.

You told me that I am not the person you grew up knowing, that these aren’t my morals and values. Yes, they are. They just aren’t YOUR morals and values. I have control over what I do, and I do not think that being a young, single girl who is seeing more than one person at a time is bad. I am not going home from bars with people. And even if I was, I shouldn’t have to JUSTIFY myself to my best friend.

I do not regret decisions that I make. I do not regret the way I live my life. I am happier than I have ever been. And for me, living my life openly and hedonistically, and making myself happy, is an empowering thing. I am sexually liberated and socially liberated and I don’t feel ashamed of the things that I am doing.

Just because they are not things that YOU would do, doesn’t make them bad or wrong. We may have different morals and different values, but we are allowed to. We are different people. I love and support you no matter what, even if I wouldn’t do the same things.

And I can just hope that you feel the same way. Please don’t judge me or look down on me because I would never do that to you. You don’t have to agree with me to support me.

I love you,


I got a call from her a month ago, after not hearing from her for almost a year. “I promised you a long time ago that when I got engaged, you’d be the first call I made after my mother. I’m keeping that promise.” The sound of her voice made me sob. I miss her very much. This story will continue throughout my 30 letters, as she qualifies for more than one of these.

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  1. adrianaNo Gravatar
    Posted July 21, 2010 at 5:13 pm | Permalink

    I am glad that she called you. IT can be so hard to be close to someone who does not have the same values as yourself sometimes. I’m sorry this was your case.

  2. R.R.No Gravatar
    Posted July 21, 2010 at 5:44 pm | Permalink

    Wow. I only really recently started reading your blog and yet here I am feeling genuinely happy for you. It is great she kept her promise even through the rough patch which will hopefully work itself out for both of you. The emotion jumped off the page, and it was obvious that you really care for this person.

    Hope things work themselves out and I look forward to reading the rest of the 30 letters.

  3. To InfinityNo Gravatar
    Posted July 21, 2010 at 6:48 pm | Permalink

    I’ve been reading your blog for 3-4 years now, probably only commented about 3 times, and I’ve seen you grow and change A LOT. I’ve always thought you were an amazing person though, even when you’ve done things that I know I couldn’t or wouldn’t do. It sucks when someone close to you judges you like that, it’s happened to me before as well, although no quite so harshly.

    I hope you’re able to continue rebuilding your friendship with your best friend. I know you are a very strong person and can work through anything, including this. Everyone needs a person in their life that grew up with them and remembers what it was like to be young together.

    Good luck. I’m looking forward to reading the rest of your letters.

  4. MegskathyNo Gravatar
    Posted July 22, 2010 at 9:50 am | Permalink

    this post really hits home with me. i’ve been in a similar situation in which someone judged me and asked me not to communicate with her, but it is now further complicated….I feel for you. I think this is such a juvenile move on the “friend’s” part. I really respect that your friend kept her promise, though. Also, you look really pretty in that photo. :)

  5. SandraNo Gravatar
    Posted July 22, 2010 at 10:13 am | Permalink

    My best friend did the same thing, after being friends from Jr High through college just left. I’m glad your friend called you, I hope mine does too one day. It’s devastating to suddenly lose a person so important to you because you won’t lose who you are. Thanks for posting this :) I’m looking forward to reading the other 29 letters.

  6. Raspberry SwirlyNo Gravatar
    Posted July 22, 2010 at 10:58 am | Permalink

    I hope she contacts you a bit more. I’m kind of a weenie on the best friend front and kind of have similar feelings, so I’m holding out hope for you because I’m holding out hope for me.

  7. JanieNo Gravatar
    Posted July 23, 2010 at 4:49 pm | Permalink

    Oh honey, I’m so sorry – this is just heartbreaking. It can hurt sometimes so much more when you break up with friends than when you break up with lovers, in my experience. You never expect them to hurt you like that. I am having a similar, although thankfully slightly less hurtful, situation with my friends. They can’t deal with my sexuality and life decisions, perhaps I think because they can’t deal with their own. I’m sending you big hugs


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