Review: Billy Castro Does The Mission

I’ve made my love for Billy Castro very well known. I think he’s pretty much the hottest thing ever, so I was really excited when I found out that he was going to star in his very own full length porn, Billy Castro Does the Mission, directed by Courtney Trouble. Good Vibes was kick ass enough to send it to me to review, and I completed the very unpleasant and difficult task with a huge sigh and much reluctance. Kidding, kidding! I watched the hell out of that shit, a few (dozen) times! The movie follows Billy throughout his day, during which he jerks off and has sex with three different women (Dylan Ryan, Jiz Lee, and Akira Raine) before coming home to his girlfriend (Lorelei Lee) and fucking her.

Each of the four scenes is very distinct, so I’m going to review each one separately, because there were scenes that I loved and scenes that I didn’t like so much. The film starts with Billy jerking off on a weight bench, and then has four scenes of him fucking hot bitches. The first two scenes (with Dylan Ryan and Jiz Lee) are hot as all fuck, and are pretty much perfection in every sense of the word. I basically just watch these two scenes when I pop in this movie. Akira Raine and Lorelei Lee’s scenes, to me, weren’t as successful, but I’ll get to that later in the review. Let’s get this show on the road, shall we?

Watching Billy jerk off was pretty fun, if uneventful. I always love to see how non-cisgendered people get themselves off, because every one is different. Here, have some screencaps.

Scene 1: Dylan Ryan

Let me just say that this scene? Is one of my favorite porn scenes of all time, I think. The scene starts with Dylan stealing Billy’s bike, and so he chases her to try and get the bike back. Dylan Ryan is hot as fucking hell. This scene is amazing because she’s a feisty little thing throughout. Billy and Dylan have great chemistry and there’s an aggressive back and forth throughout the scene. They fuck in a hot tub, and while Billy is rough and dominant, Dylan is the one in control here. The entire scene is playful and intense.

Every time he slaps her, she slaps him right back. It’s, um… for lack of any better adjectives, really fucking hot. There’s also a lot of hair pulling and neck grabbing and all kinds of awesome stuff. I really wish everyone loved vaginas as much as Billy Castro seems to. He gets all up in that shit, man. Watching him fingerbang Dylan from behind made me REALLY jealous that I was not her. It is now my goal in life to be fingerblasted by Billy Castro.

Dylan’s mascara running down her face just ads to the dirty, rough, and raunchy look of this scene. Hearing her yell at Billy, “Oh god, you’re gonna make me squirt, YOU FUCK!” and then hearing the (for lack of a better word) sloshing of her vag juice as she slaps him across the face is fantastic.

My only complaint is that I wish there was more dirty talk in this scene, especially from Billy. He has a really sexy voice, and I respond to his moans with tingly feelings in my pants, but I would definitely like to hear more raunchy talk from him, not just in this scene, but in all the scenes. And at times, Dylan’s screaming was a little much for me, but I like to think that if I was fucking Billy Castro, I’d be screaming like that, too.

Scene 2: Jiz Lee

This is the other scene that makes me extremely happy in my pants. Put two of my favorite performers in a scene together and I’m a happy little whore. Billy and Jiz also have insane chemistry, and Billy tops the fuck out of Jiz in this scene. They start off playing Wii, and things progress from there. Watching them play Wii together is fucking awesome and hilarious and cute. Actually, first we watch Jiz hula hooping on the Wii and then Billy arrives and they play together.

But enough about Wii. You just want to know about the fucking, I’m sure. Well, Billy is very clearly topping here, and the sex is pretty rough (which, of course, means REALLY, REALLY HOT). And, I mean, it’s fuckin’ JIZ LEE, so there’s no way that it couldn’t be hot. I love how much trouble they have getting Jiz’s boots off (Billy calls them “complicated”). I also love Jiz’s little boys’ underwear.

Again, we get to see how much Billy loves vaginas (a lot). About halfway through the scene I started to wonder if Jiz’s back and Billy’s knees were hurting yet from fucking on the wood floor. I know that happens to me.

But then, the hottest thing I’ve ever seen in my life occurred and I promptly ceased to give a shit about the performers’ welfare. Jiz stands over Billy while he fingers her and she proceeds to squirt all over his face while he moans in complete and total pleasure. ZOMG YES PLZ, MOAR.

Bonus points go to the use of gloves and condoms. Safe sex, FTW. Again, I would have liked more dirty talk and less moaning and grunting from Billy. Jiz was perfection, as always.

Scene 3: Akira Raine

Billy helps Akira move a mattress into the back of a U-Haul, which of course leads to them fucking on said mattress in said U-Haul.

This was not my favorite scene. Billy and Akira don’t have the same chemistry that Billy had with Dylan and Jiz, and the confines of the U-Haul were fairly limiting. And while I enjoy watching submissive women, I felt like Akira was more… uninvolved than submissive. She kind of just… lays there and makes some moaning noises.

I did appreciate her covering her mouth with her arm as she was coming, as this is something that I tend to do if I think I’m getting too loud.

On the plus side, this scene was relatively short. And Akira is pretty hot, even if the sex she has isn’t.

Scene 4: Lorelei Lee

I’m gonna say this right off the bat: I’m not really a fan of Lorelei Lee. Nothing against her personally, but not only is she not really my type aesthetically, but the noises she makes during scenes are distracting and have some sort of horse-like, whinnying quality to them, except at an ear-piercing decibel. I am not the only one to make this observation, either. I also find them really repetitive. That’s just my personal taste, though. The scene starts off well enough, with a pissed off Lorelei teasing her boyfriend. And then, it just gets repetitive with way too much fingering, way too much Lorelei-moaning/whinnying, and way too little dirty talk from Billy.

Also, I feel like Billy has more chemistry with the girls he fucked on the side than with his actual girlfriend. Where Billy and Dylan and Billy and Jiz clearly adored each other and had a blast together, I didn’t get the same feeling from the scene with the person that was supposed to be his girlfriend. I do enjoy the fact that Lorelei is lounging around on the bed with a ginormous dog when Billy arrives home. It’s the best part of the scene, if you ask me.

Also, that the film ends with this painting that was hanging on the wall above Billy and Lorelei’s bed, mostly because it’s so out of place with the rest of the tone of the movie:

Something stupid that irritated me is that there’s an error on the disk, and the title is abbreviated “BCTDM” instead of “BCDTM” everywhere. So every time you skip to a new scene, or when the title of the disk shows on the program you’re using, it’s abbreviated wrong. Yes, I’m a freak and stupid shit like that bothers me.

This film is worth it strictly for the first two scenes. They’re absolutely hot as hell, and they’re scenes that I come back to over and over again. If you’d like to get a copy for yourself, you can do so at Good Vibes!