Wisdom: Cosmo Style

Let’s check in with Cosmo for some beauty advice, shall we?

I almost don’t have anything to say about this, except that I will never, ever wear the combined scent of lavender and pumpkin pie. Not just because that sounds like the grossest odor I’ve ever heard, but I don’t really want to be increasing the blood flow to men’s junk by 40% (unless that man is 70 and has erectile dysfunction. Oh! Maybe Cosmo has found the cure for ED!). Most of the guys I find myself around have too much blood flow to their penises already, thankyouverymuch (and I don’t mean because I’m so hot; I mean because they’re horny and think that every girl is gonna sleep with them anyway). Plus, I thought vadge juice made the best perfume.
Also: voyeurism spying on you is so hot right now! Guys love to be peeping toms watch you put on lotion through those binoculars from across the street because it makes them “melt.” Note to Cosmo: making a guy “melt” implies romance and sweetness. Making a guy “turned on” is not the same as making him “melt.” Also, it might be the paraphilia aspect of his voyeurism that turns him on about spying on you watching you put on your body lotion.

This has been wisdom: Cosmo style.

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  1. Nell GwynneNo Gravatar
    Posted May 16, 2010 at 8:52 pm | Permalink

    Personally, I like the scent of lavender. But when I wear perfume, I wear it because I LIKE THE SMELL, not because I’m trying to “seduce a man with a single whiff”. AKLADSKL;GADSKH;LGAH;LAG;LKFHADK;LAGHADSADGSFLADFSf

  2. Carrie AnnNo Gravatar
    Posted May 16, 2010 at 9:13 pm | Permalink

    I enjoy watching my guy shave.

    I like to watch him in the bath tub, too.

    He likes to watch me put on mascara and lip gloss.

    He also likes to watch me put on lotion.

    I hardly think any of that equals peeping tom or a mental health disorder.

    Ripping on Cosmo is fun but this example sort of fell flat.

    • SarahbearNo Gravatar
      Posted May 17, 2010 at 4:25 pm | Permalink

      Same here. I pick perfumes we both like. I like watching him do things that he does (shaving, showering, getting dressed) and he likes watching me do things too. Sometimes those things turn him on and sometimes they just make him smile. He jacked off in the shower yesterday while watching me blow dry my hair! Sometimes it’s nice to just stop and enjoy all of those things, whether they make you melt or they make you hard.

  3. Dangerous LillyNo Gravatar
    Posted May 16, 2010 at 9:46 pm | Permalink

    Perhaps because lotion=creamy=reminiscent of ejaculate?

    • Britni TheVadgeWigNo Gravatar
      Posted May 16, 2010 at 10:22 pm | Permalink

      Oh man, that picture does kind of look ejaculate-ish, no? Or like a big glob of mayonnaise. Ew.

    • Carrie AnnNo Gravatar
      Posted May 16, 2010 at 10:25 pm | Permalink

      I think they just like to watch us touch ourselves, no matter how or why we’re doing it.

  4. MegNo Gravatar
    Posted May 16, 2010 at 10:12 pm | Permalink

    HA! I knew that would have to lead to that vag perfume story!

  5. AmyNo Gravatar
    Posted May 17, 2010 at 8:54 am | Permalink

    I’m so glad we have Cosmo to guide us – and here was me wearing actual *perfume* all this time. Silly me.

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