I will be taking a hiatus from this blog. People seem to be unable to tell the difference between disagreement and cruelty. They seem to think that what I’m saying is that I don’t want dissenting opinions. That all I want is approval. But that’s not the case at all.
I don’t want to be told I’m a vile, pathetic, awful person.
I don’t want to be called a trainwreck.
I don’t want to be told that they have a pool going with their friends as to when I will die (no, I’m not making this one up).
I don’t want to be told I have no business being in the mental health field.
I don’t want to be called a homewrecking whore and asked how I sleep at night.
I don’t want to be told that the only reason I broke up with Profligacy is that I was an idiot for thinking he would leave his wife for me (when I’ve never said he’s married, and our reason for breaking up has nothing to do with him being in any sort of other relationship).
I don’t want to be asked when I’ll “ever learn.”
There is a huge difference between those things, and someone disagreeing with something I do, or telling me that they think it wasn’t the best decision. I don’t think people understand the kind of harassment and criticism I’ve been getting. People spend time sending upwards of 50 Formspring “questions” anonymously PER DAY to call me names and brutalize me. Anonymous comments that come relentlessly, calling me a piece of shit and a bad human being and pathetic. That’s unnecessary, uncalled for, and just plain mean.
I’ll continue reviewing toys and publishing Standards of Beauty posts, but will not be writing about my personal life. I’ll leave comments open. And publish them all Moderation will be turned on. Go ahead, have at it. You’ve all been doing that, anyway.
I'm Britni, a snarky bitch and generally awesome person. I write about sex, love, and bullshit. If sex-positivity, discussions about BDSM and kink, queer issues, and topics that are completely inappropriate by society's standards make you uncomfortable, then this blog is not for you.
Good Vibes 
32 Comments
I read your blog periodically and I’m often intrigued or entertained by the things you post. I won’t lie, there are things you say and do that I don’t agree with. But I understand that I don’t know you, and it’s not my place to tell you what to do. If I have criticisms I keep them to myself. Reading about someone else’s life is, for me at least, interesting and informative, but it’s also a privilege. It’s your decision to post your life here for us as readers to share, and I don’t want to abuse that privilege by telling you things I have no right to say.
Personally, I hope you keep posting, because I would love to keep reading. But ultimately you need to do whatever is right for you. Thank you for sharing all that you have with us.
I am not telling you anything you don’t already know Brit… people write cruel things because they can, because when they don’t have to look you in the face and give you an immediate chance to respond it is easy to be mean and hateful. This isn’t about you, its about them and how it makes them feel to be better, more important, smarter than another person, when really, its all about the ability to be cruel and hurtful without repercussion. You have a blog because you want that blog, you want the ability to say what you want when you want to. Don’t let anyone take that away from you and don’t take their inadequacies on your shoulders.
Well said.
Do what you need to do – to feel safe, loved, wanted.
I am here – if you wanna whine, talk, bitch, or need a shoulder to cry on.
((you))
peace…
I’m sorry you’ve been dealing with that kind of stuff. It’s terrible and that’s pretty much all there is to say. Stuff like this makes me not regret hiding behind the password, whatever else I miss about blogging publicly.
Whatever happens, I think you’re wonderful.
Sorry you’ve been going through a rough time.
People can be real assholes.
Hi! I just found your blog the other day (linked from Hysteria!, I think?). For what it’s worth, I think you’re pretty badass! My kinky sex life is nascent and I sometimes have a hard time talking about the things I like coherently and without being embarrassed about it. I admire your honesty and forthrightness, and actually think you’re pretty inspiring.
You inspired me to think concentrated thoughts about what sorts of hot things I want to happen and explain them in sordid detail to my partner so that we could enact them! That is pretty important. Keep on rocking, sister.
Thank you
I’m sorry it’s gotten to the point where you don’t feel like you can safely post about your life in your blog without harassment. You’ve been stronger and more poised about this than I think I could have been under similar circumstances. I don’t know the full extent of the harassment you’ve been getting, but I don’t see why anyone’s concerns about your life and/or choices couldn’t have been expressed in tandem with treating you like a human being.
Your honesty and openness are some of the best things about your blog. Whether your readers agree with what you say or approve of what you do, it’s still your life and you’re exposing it in a very rare and candid way. It sucks that people take these refreshing attributes as an invitation to barrage you with personal attacks. I hope you find a way to reclaim your blog somehow. It’s your creation and should be a positive thing for you rather than a source of pain.
Fuck ‘em.
Leave it to you to perfectly sum up the situation. Seconded.
Dear Britni,
I have always enjoyed reading your impassioned writing about gender, sex, love and life in general. I don’t know if you include those topics in your private life, because I would be sad not to hear your blog voice anymore.
I wish you all the best. Good luck.
i gotta say, this makes me sad, because i enjoy reading your blog and usually find your posts thought-provoking or at least inspiring.
i think you’ve been ballsier than most bloggers in that you put out a large amount of yourself online… and, obviously, the typical reaction of people is to attack. i hope you understand that you’re not the one at fault here. it’s one thing to give a different opinion; another altogether to be disrespectful about it. also, i think it’s unfair that you’re sharing so much of yourself NOT anonymously, while these people are taking advantage of anonymity; hiding behind it to be hateful and judgmental and to say things that they would typically be too afraid to say to somebody’s face. it’s really very cowardly.
I am sorry that you feel like your blog is no longer a safe place for you. It’s unfortunately that the anonymity of the internet allows people the ability to be completely and utterly vile.
I will miss the personal aspect of your blog but I understand. Maybe in time you can come back to it.
I’ve been reading your blog for some time and I love hearing all the things you have to say, though I may not know you I’m sad when your sad and happy when your happy. It takes a lot to put your self out there however much that might be. I hope that you return to writing about yourself but most importantly you should feel safe doing it.
Keep on keeping on brit
Oh Britni, I’m so sorry you’ve met with all this. It is so uncalled for and of course so cruel. It makes my heart, and my eyes, weep to see you suffering all this. It makes me wish I could be there if only to hug you and give you a shoulder to cry on. And it makes me angry that other people can be so thoughtless; cruel; destructive. The fact that they are so should be their problem and not yours. One day they will learn to treat others as they would wish to be treated themselves.
Of course I don’t agree with everything you (tell us you) say and do – just a lot of it; I doubt anyone does agree with everything except you. But it is your right to do it and say it. And who is to say it isn’t the right thing for you? All we can ever do is to do what we feel is right for us at the time, making the best decision we can with the information available. Some we will win; other decisions we will lose. That’s something else others would be wise to learn.
But whether I agree with you or not, you have the right to say and do as you choose – if it harm none, do as thou will. And I admire you hugely for not just thinking what you do but having the courage to say it publicly. That is brave and hugely important, for without people like you pushing the boundaries we will (collectively and individually) never make progress. So more power to your elbow!
I can’t blame you for taking a break, but I so wish it hadn’t come to this. Please just remember there area many people out here who love, admire and cherish you – just for being you! Please take care, cherish and love yourself (if only on our behalf) for what you are: a beautiful and very admirable young lady. Clearly you must grieve, and do what you feel is right for you; but I hope that means you return here soon with renewed energy and vigour – if not then the world will be a poorer place. I
In the words of the late Irish comedian Dave Allen: “May your god go with you”.
Lots & lots of love & hugs … K xx
People suck. Gonna miss you, and miss your writing. Hope to read you again in the near future. Be well!
I will miss reading your entries, the honest way in which you wrote things and the fact I’ve actually really learnt a lot from reading what you have written.
Hi,
I’m sixteen years old and I found your blog a few months ago and have read through EVERYTHING you’ve posted since. I just want you to know that in many many ways, you are who I want to be. I disagree with things you do, but, hey, i might do things like those too when I get my chance.
I too, want to go to Boston to get my PhD in psychology. I too want to have the kind of beautiful, free sex life you do. I have a budding interest in BDSM and deseperatley want a good LELO toy.
I think you’re a smart and unique individual. I don’t think doing coke or drinking makes you a bad person or unqualified to be a psychologist.
I guess I just want you to know that you’re kind of who I want to be.
I also worry about you. I have depression too. It’s a very difficult situation in a relationship of any kind, and in life in general. I’m happy for you that you’re on medication.
It’s been really cool reading your story. I think your Dom was good for you, but I also trust that you made the right decision for you. And if not it was your decision to make. I hope everything works out.
I’m really going to miss this blog. I was starting to see you as a friend I’ve never talked to.
Wow, that was more personal than I expected. Have a good day. I hope you get this message.
That comment means more than you know. Thank you so much <3
Because of some things from my past, a lot of people think I’m a “vile, pathetic, awful person” …but hardly anyone who actually knows me. Britni, you have many good friends online…that seems clear to me. It is those people who matter; not the faceless asshats that find nothing better to do than feel superior to others.
well, this sucks. i think you’re awesome and lovely, and the world really needs honest people like you. it’s just plain crappy that people can be so cruel sometimes. please remember it’s not everyone, ok?
a site is like a second home in a way, we should feel safe to be ourselves and post anything we want. i truly hope you’ll feel better in any way you decide to move.
huge hug
I’m sorry people have been writing such cruel things to you – they have no right.
I’m glad you’ll still be blogging to some extent, as I really like reading your writing. Also about your life, but I understand that you must do what is best for you. I wish you the best and I hope you’ll some day be able to, and want to, share your life with us
Everyone who says bad things about you SUCK ASS!!! YOU PEOPLE ARE ROTTEN HUMAN BEINGS!
*hug*
You have been through things that would have made me crack so quickly. I am so sorry that you’ve had to deal with all of this bullshit. Your writing inspires me. Hell, I’m typing this from a computer lab, and i’m sure people think I look strange, but I do not care, because your blog is Just. That. Awesome.
I hate that people say mean things in blog comments! I try to be positive or say nothing at all when I’m reading blogs. I really enjoy your blog and will miss your posts, but completely understand what you are feeling!
I have been a lurker on here for quite some time but have enjoyed all of your posts. I am sorry that some people have been so cruel and I will genuinely miss your writing. Hope you come back soon!
I used to have a radio show. It was a great job, but it was astonishing what sorts of judgments people would have the audacity to send to the station via email. I was “stupid” (I’m not). “Uneducated” (wrong again). “Brainwashed” (for sure, no). My laugh was “grating” and my voice was “satanic” (I’m not even kidding. Also, I’m unsure about how a voice itself can have any religious beliefs at all, but that’s another story for another day. I’ll have my coven explain it later
).
People would email to criticize my children, who at the time were newborn, three and five. They would skewer ANYTHING that I put on the air. And nothing I covered was even remotely controversial, or political, or sexual, or hot-buttony.
I remember going into my program director’s office in tears, and being quite surprised when he just laughed and said, “Congratulations. You’ve arrived.”
They’ve studied this in radio, and according to one consultant that worked with our station, the magic ratio is three to one: in a successful broadcast, expect three negative comments for every positive comment. The supposed psychology behind this number is that people are sort of programmed to obsess over what bothers us, and are MUCH more likely, statistically speaking, to complain than to compliment. It plays out over and over in our lives, in lots and lots of ways…think about how many interpersonal relationships are ruined by that same dynamic.
The other thing the consultants say is that for every comment you get, there are dozens of people remaining silent. When you combine the fact that it’s the grumps that talk with the fact that the VAST majority of participants simply lurk silently, you start to realize that it’s a slightly psychotic majority that will ever have the balls to complain. No matter how loudly they do it, they’re a minority.
I guess my point is this: Congrats, Brit. You’ve arrived. The haters are just evidence that you’re producing thought-compelling, evocative, and provocative material, which is something about which you can be PROUD. If you’re stirring people to hate, consider that you’re stirring them to THINK a little, too. A thought that’s hateful at least has room to grow and change–it’s better than thoughtlessly and numbly living life.
At the risk of another WAY TOO LONG response to you, I’ll offer you the solution that was cathartic to me: We used to broadcast a “Hater of the Week” segment, where I’d simply thoughtfully and logically and calmly respond to a carefully selected hater. It dramatically decreased the hater-mail (they were timid about getting called out) and dramatically increased the intelligence of the hater comments, which felt better to me. I mean, hate me if you want, but PLEASE have a good reason for it.
Seriously, though. As much as it feels awful to read those things, it’s a GOOD thing. You’re creating thought, and emotion, and it is ALWAYS painful to be at the forward end of a new conversation. It hurts people to give up their old beliefs, and the intensity of their reactions is simply a response to that. Plus, just because someone calls you names doesn’t make it true.
Don’t let it hurt you. Just because I say you’re orange with green stripes, doesn’t make you orange with green strips, right?
Thank you <3
@Kate … What a wonderful and useful comment. Hopefully it has helped Britni, but regardless it has helped me if only by validating much of my experience (in other fields) and what I already thought I knew about people’s reactions. I love the idea of “Hater of the Week” – I might just have to use that myself. Many thanks for the thought provoking and useful comment.
Dear Britni,
I’m really sorry. I stumbled across your blog a few months ago and I really enjoyed reading your entries. I haven’t commented on anything else yet but I had the urge to tell you that I’m sorry that something like that happens to you. Hope time off makes you feel better again and that we can read more entries soon (cause I will miss them).
ThinkerBell
What a GREAT post Kate!
Go Brit!