At A Crossroads

I’m at a loss about what to write here. I want to talk about my life and the things I do, think, and feel, but the comments lately that are so highly critical, rude, and parental in nature make me want to censor what I say because I don’t need a bunch of people on the internet that don’t know me psychoanalyzing me and criticizing my actions and motivations. The truth of the matter is, that you only know the parts of my life that I choose to share via short posts, which will never be the whole story. It never could be. There’s so much more to it, and so much that you’ll never see and never know. I don’t want to spend so much time and energy defending myself to anonymous readers. I don’t want to spend so much time and energy censoring comments that I deem overly harsh, inappropriate, or just plain mean.

What do people get out of criticizing my life choices? Out of reprimanding me? Out of judging me for the mistakes I make? We’re all human. We all make mistakes. We all do things that aren’t healthy, or that may not be the right decision. Yet, for some reason, many of my readers of late have chosen to take me to task for these things, to hold me up to an impossible standard, or to be absolutely brutal to me for no reason.

I have thick skin; I can handle a lot. I can handle criticism. But the fact is, it’s been especially rough lately. I post the majority of the comments that I receive, even if they’re not positive. I don’t pretend that everyone will approve of everything I do and say, and that’s okay. But some people have been downright cruel lately, and if you could see some of the comments that I *don’t* post, you’d probably be horrified. I know that not everyone will love me. But I don’t understand the people that continue to read and comment here if they have that much vitriol and think I’m that awful of a person.

There’s only so much of that that I can take, and I’ve reached a crossroads at which I find myself censoring what I post here. I don’t want to do that. I blog so that I have an outlet. These are my thoughts, my feelings, and my life, and to be taken to task for every choice that you make or opinion that you have gets frustrating and discouraging. And so, I’m feeling kind of stuck in terms of what I want to post here. I hate feeling like this, because I want this to be a space that I can just let my fingers fly and let my thoughts come out on the page.

But at the moment, I don’t feel like I can do that. And I hate it.

Photo source.

ETA: I’ve currently disabled my Formspring account due to the constant and brutal harassment that I’ve been receiving on there.

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