Red Flags

Dude #1: After a length few emails exchanged that went very well, followed by a few hours on a chat program that went equally well, he was going out of town for a week, and so I gave him my number so that we could text while he was away.

Red Flag 1: Texting incessantly, all the time.
Red Flag 2: Chatting with me EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. my name popped up on iChat or Facebook.
Red Flag 3: Repeatedly telling me how excited he was to meet me.
Red Flag 4: If I did not respond to his IM, I would receive a text. If I did not respond to the text, I would receive a call. If I did not pick up the phone, I would get an email.
Dude. Chill the fuck out. We’ve been talking for a week. Sometimes I don’t feel like talking to anyone. If I want to talk to you, I’ll return your call or text or IM when I feel like it. Stop trying to contact me 12 different ways (he has since been set to “limited profile” on my Facebook and is also unable to view my status updates). It just makes you look crazy and obsessive. And if you are crazy and obsessive before we’ve even met, that does not bode well for any potential relationship that we may have.
Dude #2: After exchanging emails back and forth all day, all of which were short, no more than a line or two, in length, I went to sleep.
Red Flag 1: I woke up to two messages in my inbox from him. The first one was a response to the last message I had sent him. The second one was sent an hour or so after the first. “i just want u to know that i was thinking about you the whole day.”
I thought that was a little forward, but ignored it and instead responded to his initial email which had been a response to mine.
Red Flag 2: I woke up the next day to two messages in my inbox from him. The first one was a response to the last message I had sent him. The second one was sent two hours or so after the first. “i think i have a little crush on you, i know that sounded pretty girlish. i do think i like you though.”
Dude. We have exchanged 10 or so messages, but hardly anything of substance. They’ve all been question/answer kind of messages. No real discussion or conversation. The most intimate detail that I know about you is that you have too many pairs of sneakers and sometimes like chick flicks. We have never even chatted in real time. Slow down, fella. If you are openly professing feelings for me already, this does not bode well for any potential relationship we may have.
Dude #3: We changed a few emails and chatted, but haven’t spoken in over a month.
Red Flag 1: He sends me a message on iChat the second I sign on. I do not respond. So he sends me a message on the dating site we met on.I do not respond to the message.
Red Flag 2: After me ignoring him twice, he sends another message on the dating site. I ignore it.
Red Flag 3: He sends another message on the dating site, his third in as many days.
Dude. If I don’t respond, it’s because I don’t want to talk to you. Go away. If you are this pushy already, this does not bode well for any potential relationship we may have.
It seems that these guys have no concept of boundaries, either.
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  1. Mona Lopez
    Posted April 23, 2009 at 12:48 am | Permalink

    And that's what you get for picking up Ali Larter, Brit. Bad news!

  2. Hubman
    Posted April 23, 2009 at 6:12 am | Permalink

    I had a post with the *exact* same title a little while back! Some people just don't have a clue. Time to move on, eh?

  3. M.A.D.
    Posted April 23, 2009 at 6:19 am | Permalink

    I don't suppose I'll win any brownie points for reminding you that your "perfect match" is supposed, according to you, to "like texting constantly" – and also that you complain when people don't respond instantly to your texts…?

    No. Ok. I'll be quiet… ;o)

  4. wolf biter
    Posted April 23, 2009 at 9:24 pm | Permalink

    I'm sorry not to fall in line with everyone else, but I'm of the opinion that if you want to be left alone, you need to SAY you're not interested. Clearly, these guys aren't getting your subtle hints, so you need to NOT be subtle.

    You're smart, B, you can figure out a way to politely say "I'm not interested in dating right now" (a little white lie, sure, but what polite society is greased with) or "I don't think our personalities mesh." Wish the guy luck in the future or on the site and move on to the next guy. The guy knows where he stands and you know he won't be back.

    And while we're talking about it, I think this is a tremendous, pervasive, insidious double standard, actually: Girls think it's just fine to ignore a guy they're not interested in, but guys who ignore a girl they're not interested in are assholes.

  5. twg
    Posted April 24, 2009 at 10:05 am | Permalink

    1. I don't believe that I am obligated to give someone I have been out with once a rejection. I subscribe to the call twice theory. If you contact someone twice and they don't get back to you, get over it. If you are that emotionally invested in someone you just met, it means you're the one with the problem, anyway.

    2. There's a huge difference between wanting to text your BOYFRIEND all the time and having a guy you just met texting you constantly, and without response. Huge.

  6. M.A.D.
    Posted April 24, 2009 at 10:51 am | Permalink

    Well, I did say I wasn't expecting any brownie points…

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