Looking Evil In The Eye

The Redneck is not supposed to be allowed into the bar. I hadn’t seen him in months. He walked in and my stomach dropped. I moved to the other end of the bar, farther way from where he was sitting. I was shaking. I went into the bathroom and hyperventilated for a few minutes and the bartender came to check on me and helped me calm down. I was able to go back and sit at the bar.

About an hour later, I heard someone call my name. I looked over. It was The Redneck. “Can I buy you a shot?” I looked him dead in the eyes and said, “Do. not. speak to me. Ever.” I went to the bathroom, locked myself in a stall, and hyperventilated until I threw up. But I refused to leave. I would not let him have that power over me.
A little while later, I heard him say behind me, to his friend that wanted to leave, “But I haven’t even gotten to talk to my girl yet. Her hair looks fucking hot.” Within seconds, she walked over and sat down next to me. She made small talk and then said, “I know that you don’t want to hear this, but [The Redneck] wants you to know that he’s sorry for yelling at you.” I looked at her, dumbfounded. “He’s sorry for yelling at me? That’s not what I am angry with him about and he knows it.”
Even later in the night, The Redneck was playing darts. He tried to call me over. I lost it in front of the entire bar. “Maybe YOU can forget about what you did and try to make amends with me. But I can’t forget about it. I can’t forgive you for it. I have to live with it every day. I have to wake up in the middle of the night, crying, after having a nightmare. I have to deal with the flashbacks I get while I’m having sex with someone else. I LIVE WITH THIS EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. I will never forgive you for what you did to me. Deny that it happened all you want. Try to excuse it away by saying you were drunk. That will never change what you did. Never.” I was shrieking. Sobbing. Shaking.
One of the regulars walked over to The Redneck. “I think it’s time for you to leave. If you don’t, we may have to force you to.” The Redneck payed his tab and left with his friend. After I had calmed down and collected myself enough to go back out into the bar, I did. I’m not letting this destroy me. I’m too strong for that.
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  1. Eliot
    Posted April 25, 2009 at 3:43 pm | Permalink

    There's nothing to say, really, I'm just gonna offer a *hug*

  2. Nelfy
    Posted April 26, 2009 at 10:47 am | Permalink

    I'm sorry. All of this is awful and I wish there was anything that could help. I hope you never have to see him again.

  3. Samantha
    Posted May 17, 2009 at 2:19 am | Permalink


    Thank God for your friends. I'm going to go cry myself to sleep for both of us, for all of us. It's a terrible thing to say, but I thank God every day that my Redneck is dead. Because honestly if I ever came eye to eye with him again I'd probably kill myself right there. I'm not as strong as you.

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