The bar that I frequent is the local Cheers– everyone knows your name and the name of everyone in the bar. I can tell you what each of the regulars drinks, and which nights they are usually there. The majority of the clientele are townies: Redneck, blue collar, slightly older, set in their ways. You rarely see a black person in the bar and the only gay ones that venture in have come with me. We were subjected to Faux News on the TVs during the election and I’ve heard a lot of awful things come out of the mouths of some of the regulars. However, they are all lovely to me, the bar is cheap, and as long as we avoid certain topics, all is well.
City Slickers was on one of the TVs one night. I was sitting with a friend that just moved back to the area and it was only his second time visiting the bar. One of the regulars turned and asked us, “What’s that movie? The one with the normal actors playing those cowboys?” I knew immediately what she was referring to. Brokeback Mountain. “Normal” actors meant heterosexual actors. “Those cowboys” meant gay cowboys. I told my friend this. He didn’t believe me. “No,” he said. “By normal she means non-comedian. Because City Slickers is a comedy.”
I laughed. As someone who is queer and has a lot of queer friends, I am more in tune to homophobia and subtle homophobic remarks and references that are made around me. Many people that do not deal with homosexuality on a daily basis don’t take note of these things because they don’t have to. They’re not always looking for it. So he turned to the woman and asked, “What do you mean by normal? Like, non-comedic actors?” She said, “No. I’m talking about the normal guys that played the queer cowboys.”
I just smiled and told her, “Brokeback Mountain.” She got excited. “That’s the one!” Unlike most of the regulars in the bar, I don’t think she was trying to be offensive. I’m not sure that she cares one way or another about gayness. But that word. Normal. If straight is normal, then gay must be ABnormal. That simple statement, which to her seemed harmless, has much greater implications than she realizes.
I'm Britni, a snarky bitch and generally awesome person. I write about sex, love, and bullshit. If sex-positivity, discussions about BDSM and kink, queer issues, and topics that are completely inappropriate by society's standards make you uncomfortable, then this blog is not for you.
Good Vibes 
7 Comments
Deductive reasoning applied to societal norms manifests paranoia. That is not to say this individual wasn't being homophobic. Just try to avoid being the whistle blower all the time otherwise you will give the appearance that you have some agenda.
/Devil's Advocate
I get you. This is what puts me off coming out to the family. They say they are o.k with homosexuality, but when they make comments like this I wonder. Hmmm.
I think having awareness as an agenda would not be a bad thing.
Spreading information and sensitivity is all to the good. Thank you for posting about this, sweets! It's an interesting slice of life, the queer girl in the down-home bar. There is hope for the world yet
My *queer* friend was over the other night and was in a particularly aggressive mood and decided to pick a fight with me. How? Here:
"I don't think homosexuality is wrong, but I don't think it's natural."
I am so sick of hearing that fucking statement from homophobic straight people, that I couldn't believe I was hearing this from a queer person. Although… he hasn't done anything with a boy, doesn't like gay men and won't be friends with them, and is a big self loather. So it kind of makes sense at this point. I know I've said some weird shit when I wasn't okay with liking girls (nothing offensive, but obviously things that weren't true, like "ew I could never kiss a girl").
He then backtracked when I said it occurred in nature, making it "totally natural". To which he said, "fine, then I meant it isn't NORMAL".
….Ew, but this is why I don't hang out with him on purpose ever.
I tend to think the word normal has become subjective. What's normal for me may not be normal for you. However, I understand how someone calling a straight person normal could be offensive to someone who isn't primarily straight. At the same time, due to being an amputee, I am not normal by most societal standards and I am OK with that. I often times refer to people with 2 good legs as normal and I wouldn't be offended if someone else did the same.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that her statement only had greater implications if you allowed it to. People shouldn't be overly sensitive to everything that people say, which is what's happening across the world.
Don't say your bowling is so poor you should be bowling for the special olympics because you'll upset the mentally challenged (who you BETTER not call retards). Don't be a teenager and take a picture with your friends making "Chinese eyes" with your fingers or else you'll have to apologize to every Asian person on the planet. If you even buy underwear in a store that sells fur coats, you're a bad person according to PETA.
Things have gotten to be ridiculous, in my opinion. And people need to lighten up.
End of rant, which was TOTALLY not aimed at you, Britini. Just in general.
To those implying that maybe I am *looking* for things that aren't there: You may see it as being over sensitive, but the point is that I was correct. There's a reason I pick up on these things. It's because they are there and it's because people say things like this all the time, either knowingly or not knowingly. It's the same way that I don't find sexist or misogynist jokes funny. I wouldn't have to be looking for these things if people weren't saying them. When you are part of a majority, you don't have to notice these things because they don't affect YOU directly. They don't affect your life or the way people view you.
Dude, I totally spelled your name wrong, and I'm sorry.
Britni, Britni, Britni, Britni. See, I can spell it correctly!
You were correct and I wasn't saying you were wrong. The point I was trying to make was about the term normal being subjective, in my opinion. And I can see how you thought that I was implying that you were *looking* for things, and I'm sorry if it came across that way. Forgive me, Britni?