I Am Amazing

Things that occurred last night after I had imbibed quite a bit of alcohol:

• I said the words, “I’m not even drunk yet and I’m already awesome.”
• I made out with a 17 year old.
• I made out with Gay Mike.
• I made out with Gay Bobby.
• When some cunt told me that she was from Jersey, I replied, “No wonder you’re trash.”
• I knocked on the Upstairs Neighbor’s door and told him to come downstairs so he could take advantage of me.
• Upstairs Neighbor took advantage of me.
• I did not remember Upstairs Neighbor’s name, so I told him that I wanted to put his number in my phone, but he would have to spell his name for me, because I’m a stickler for spelling people’s names right. His name? John. I asked him to spell John.
• I told some girl that she should shut up and eat my pussy.
• I told some guy that I wanted to take him into an alley and blow him.

I love alcohol.