Happy Fucking Birthday To Me

I decided I’d do a brief birthday synopsis becuase I know that all of you are just dying to know how it was. It was wonderful. Lesbian Co-Worker* and Hasbian Co-Worker** took me out for drinks. Most of my friends aren’t 21 yet, plus I don’t really like going out with large groups, so this was perfect. We started with dinner and drinks before heading to our first bar.

LCW had a large meatball sub, half of HCW’s sandwich, an order of fries, and a piece of cheesecake. She drinks exactly one (1) chocolate martini thing and announces that she is drunk. LCW is not a small girl, either. I’d guess about 5’10, 170. After two more of those she is well on her way to disaster.

At our first bar, LCW passed out on the bar and her girlfriend had to come get her. HCW and I drank a lot. I had three shots there on top of numerous drinks, and since I was already 5 drinks deep by the time we got to the bar, I was well on my way to being very intoxicated. After LCW was escorted home, HCW and I went to another bar.

Here is what I remember about the rest of my night: I had one, maybe two vodka/cranberries at the last bar. The bartender was nice and he had a girlfriend. There were three or four other people down at the other end of the bar that we didn’t speak to. We took a cab to Cape Boy’s apartment at about 3 AM, HCW didn’t like the cab driver, I passed out soon after.

Here is what actually happened: I started with the two vodka/cranberries. I then took five (5) shots of various things. I remember none of these, but we found the receipt and it verifies this. I then had at least two more drinks. I shamelessly hit on the bartender with the girlfriend and tried to get him to come into the bathroom with me. I announced to the people at the end of the bar that it was my 21st birthday and so they were obligated to be my friend. We talked for at least an hour.

I called Cape Boy and asked if we could come over. I called five (5) times on the way over to inform him that we were on our way. HCW did not like the cab driver. We got to Cape Boy’s and I ate an entire loaf of bread, but dropped most of it into the bed. When Cape Boy tried to take a slice of the bread that belonged to him, I threw a fit and yelled. I would only hold a conversation about the following: 1) How cute my new shirt was. 2) How cool HCW was. 3) How sorry I was to have called and bothered him at such a late hour and how much he must hate me. I then mentioned that I wished I hadn’t called him because he wasn’t supposed to know that I had been thinking about him (way to show him my cards).

I then slept until 5 PM the next day. Drunk Britni is awesome.

*Lesbian Co-Worker is a lesbian (AKA The Promo Homo).
**Hasbian Co-Worker used to be a lesbian/date girls, but now she is straight.