Comments on: (Not) Taking A Hint http://britisshameless.com/2010/08/not-taking-a-hint/ I'm nothing but a brash and impetuous girl striving to be true to myself while searching for somewhere to belong, someone to love, and a better version of me. Thu, 18 Nov 2010 02:47:46 +0000 hourly 1 By: JoJo http://britisshameless.com/2010/08/not-taking-a-hint/comment-page-1/#comment-14568 JoJo Sun, 08 Aug 2010 07:34:33 +0000 http://britisshameless.com/?p=3588#comment-14568 I think the problem with pushy men is 2 things: 1) they get the message, through movies, TV, etc., that to fight for the girl is romantic, that we'll feel flattered by their persistence and 2) a lot of us women don't give a clear "I'm NOT interested" but instead try to be 'nice' & 'polite' & say things that are less final & less to the point but won't hurt their feelings, or we just ignore them. Like in your example, Britni, you didn't say that you had told the guy you weren't interested, you just thought that he should have taken the hint. The women that I have known are notorious for expecting people, and men especially, to read their thoughts. It's disgusting when a man gets a clear NO and stillcontinues to pursue, but I think a lot of times, wo En expect men just to get the hint, instead of telling them outright. I think the problem with pushy men is 2 things: 1) they get the message, through movies, TV, etc., that to fight for the girl is romantic, that we’ll feel flattered by their persistence and 2) a lot of us women don’t give a clear “I’m NOT interested” but instead try to be ‘nice’ & ‘polite’ & say things that are less final & less to the point but won’t hurt their feelings, or we just ignore them. Like in your example, Britni, you didn’t say that you had told the guy you weren’t interested, you just thought that he should have taken the hint. The women that I have known are notorious for expecting people, and men especially, to read their thoughts.
It’s disgusting when a man gets a clear NO and stillcontinues to pursue, but I think a lot of times, wo
En expect men just to get the hint, instead of telling them outright.

]]> By: twg http://britisshameless.com/2010/08/not-taking-a-hint/comment-page-1/#comment-14538 twg Fri, 06 Aug 2010 20:35:56 +0000 http://britisshameless.com/?p=3588#comment-14538 One time a couple years ago, I was waiting for the bus back to Southie. I had earphones on so I couldn't hear anything, and this guy came up and started talking to me, same thing. He was youngish, looked relatively normal, but like ... WTF. Later that year, in the summer, I was laying out in Copley Square -- just in my work clothes, but reclined on my back on a towel. I was also on the phone with my father, and this same dude came up and started up again almost like maybe he was hearing answers or something. I mean, I was on the phone, guy. I packed my shit up, still on the phone and got the hell out of there. Oblivious like that = sociopath, as far as I'm concerned, and I don't need any of that. One time a couple years ago, I was waiting for the bus back to Southie. I had earphones on so I couldn’t hear anything, and this guy came up and started talking to me, same thing. He was youngish, looked relatively normal, but like … WTF. Later that year, in the summer, I was laying out in Copley Square — just in my work clothes, but reclined on my back on a towel. I was also on the phone with my father, and this same dude came up and started up again almost like maybe he was hearing answers or something. I mean, I was on the phone, guy. I packed my shit up, still on the phone and got the hell out of there. Oblivious like that = sociopath, as far as I’m concerned, and I don’t need any of that.

]]> By: Meg http://britisshameless.com/2010/08/not-taking-a-hint/comment-page-1/#comment-14515 Meg Thu, 05 Aug 2010 23:14:53 +0000 http://britisshameless.com/?p=3588#comment-14515 I, too, have had instances where guys just won't take the hint--and they always, ALWAYS turn it on me. I'm being "rude" or "bitchy." Drives me fucking insane. I, too, have had instances where guys just won’t take the hint–and they always, ALWAYS turn it on me. I’m being “rude” or “bitchy.”

Drives me fucking insane.

]]> By: Nelfy http://britisshameless.com/2010/08/not-taking-a-hint/comment-page-1/#comment-14513 Nelfy Thu, 05 Aug 2010 22:14:51 +0000 http://britisshameless.com/?p=3588#comment-14513 I was on the trolley once, going home from school later in the day, it was already dark out, so I would say around 7ish. I had my headphones in and was staring out the window, tired after a long day at school. This guy who got on at the same trolley stop as me starts talking to me, *despite* the fact that he saw my headphones/ipod. I took out one of the plugs, he asked me if I went to the school that is right at the trolley stop. I say yes, put my plug back in and proceed to stare out the window. He keeps talking. I take my plug out again and he asks me something else, I don't remember. I don't remember if I replied or not, but then, to make the point that I didn't want to talk even clearer, I took out my books and started doing homework - still listening to music! Still, the guy keeps talking to me. At some point, tired of this bull, I tell him that I'm doing homework and put my plugs back in. He waves his hands in front of my face - how rude can you get!?! - and asks me why I don't want to talk to him and why I don't want to be friends. He also said that there was no reason why I have to be rude to him - um, excuse me, I'm trying to mind my own business while you can't stop talking to me, who's the one who's rude. Anywho, I told him I wasn't interested in talking to him/getting to know him/... He said 'I can change that'. WTF? Told him that I didn't think so. This guy was AT LEAST 15 years my senior and I look young, so for all he knew I could have only been 17. Even after I was rude to him and told him that I didn't want to talk to him, wasn't interested,... he still kept going!! I in no way even showed the slightest teeniest tinyest bit of interest in even talking to him (not that showing interest and then changing your mind after you get to know a guy makes harassment any better), yet he kept going. I was slightly worried/scared because he got off at the same stop as I did, but I knew that there would be a trolley cop around so I watched for what he was doing/where he was going and when I saw him walk in the other direction I half-way ran home. I was really shaken up when I came home and didn't sleep well for at least a few nights. I don't think that it is acceptable in any way that I have to feel unsafe, worry about myprivacy/ safety, and just generally get really grossed out and have all this negative energy just because a guy thinks I should like him. I have never, ever, experienced anything like this in Austria and I think it's a problem that is very American. Boys get raised differently here, I think. In Austria, most guys respect it when a girl says no - whenever a guy tried to talk to me at bars/discos/... and I clearly didn't show interest, they always left to find some other chick. Usually, I tend to turn guys off, maybe because I am inherently not attracted to them. My friends always used to joke that most guys just instinctively know that I'm gay and super-feminist and therefore won't even talk to me. And I really, really like it that way. I like talking to guys I know/meet in a casual setting when they don't want to get into my pants. But I don't want to get hit on. Anyways, I still feel very upset about what happened that night. For a while I was worried that I would see him again, as I took the trolley at the same time every week. I don't want those kinds of things to impact me, but they do. I don't see how any person with half a brain can think it's ok to harrass someone after they said no. What happened to me probably seems little in comparison to what other women have experienced, but it was bad enough for me. I was on the trolley once, going home from school later in the day, it was already dark out, so I would say around 7ish. I had my headphones in and was staring out the window, tired after a long day at school. This guy who got on at the same trolley stop as me starts talking to me, *despite* the fact that he saw my headphones/ipod. I took out one of the plugs, he asked me if I went to the school that is right at the trolley stop. I say yes, put my plug back in and proceed to stare out the window. He keeps talking. I take my plug out again and he asks me something else, I don’t remember. I don’t remember if I replied or not, but then, to make the point that I didn’t want to talk even clearer, I took out my books and started doing homework – still listening to music! Still, the guy keeps talking to me. At some point, tired of this bull, I tell him that I’m doing homework and put my plugs back in. He waves his hands in front of my face – how rude can you get!?! – and asks me why I don’t want to talk to him and why I don’t want to be friends. He also said that there was no reason why I have to be rude to him – um, excuse me, I’m trying to mind my own business while you can’t stop talking to me, who’s the one who’s rude. Anywho, I told him I wasn’t interested in talking to him/getting to know him/… He said ‘I can change that’. WTF? Told him that I didn’t think so. This guy was AT LEAST 15 years my senior and I look young, so for all he knew I could have only been 17. Even after I was rude to him and told him that I didn’t want to talk to him, wasn’t interested,… he still kept going!! I in no way even showed the slightest teeniest tinyest bit of interest in even talking to him (not that showing interest and then changing your mind after you get to know a guy makes harassment any better), yet he kept going. I was slightly worried/scared because he got off at the same stop as I did, but I knew that there would be a trolley cop around so I watched for what he was doing/where he was going and when I saw him walk in the other direction I half-way ran home. I was really shaken up when I came home and didn’t sleep well for at least a few nights.

I don’t think that it is acceptable in any way that I have to feel unsafe, worry about myprivacy/ safety, and just generally get really grossed out and have all this negative energy just because a guy thinks I should like him. I have never, ever, experienced anything like this in Austria and I think it’s a problem that is very American. Boys get raised differently here, I think. In Austria, most guys respect it when a girl says no – whenever a guy tried to talk to me at bars/discos/… and I clearly didn’t show interest, they always left to find some other chick. Usually, I tend to turn guys off, maybe because I am inherently not attracted to them. My friends always used to joke that most guys just instinctively know that I’m gay and super-feminist and therefore won’t even talk to me. And I really, really like it that way. I like talking to guys I know/meet in a casual setting when they don’t want to get into my pants. But I don’t want to get hit on.

Anyways, I still feel very upset about what happened that night. For a while I was worried that I would see him again, as I took the trolley at the same time every week. I don’t want those kinds of things to impact me, but they do. I don’t see how any person with half a brain can think it’s ok to harrass someone after they said no.

What happened to me probably seems little in comparison to what other women have experienced, but it was bad enough for me.

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