having been in several emotionally abusive relationships, i can completely relate to this song and video, i find myself transfixed everytime it is on

But the lyrics? Are nothing but true. If they’re confusing it’s because being in that situation usually is confusing. If they outline crazy highs and lows it’s because there usually are highs and lows in situations like that. If the characters of the song seem to enjoy their relationship as much as they loathe it, it’s because that happens in real life.

Now, I could certainly see someone objecting to this song because it’s triggering but telling the truth is far from glamorizing.

I do have an opinion on entertainment in general, though. I think anybody who puts something out in the world is responsible for whatever it is they put out there for people to see/understand/listen to/be influenced by – be it music, art, literature, video games, whatever.

And famous people like Rihanna and Eminem have an extra responsibility with what sort of message they put out there, as they produce content that is consumed by millions of people and thus becomes part of our culture.

The fact that Emimem and Rhianna each have personal history that ties into this song makes it all the more effective. I usually don’t like Eminem. In this case, however, I don’t see him glorifying or promoting abuse (god, those horrible lyrics about killing his ex? wife Kim). It’s the most honest lyrical depiction of a man’s addiction to anger and control that I have heard…. it could be one of my abusers.

As a survivor it was difficult to listen to and to watch. I remember what it was like… the horror as well as the draw to stay. There is a confusion there, equating intensity, suffering and control with love… The most telling moment in the video for me is what seems to be the reconciliation point– where she hands him the bear and looks him in the eye… and then everything turns again. This is what it is really like. Once they have you, they can turn on you again. I’m glad they show this, the breaking of the illusion.

Rhianna’s chorus strikes a simple place in me — I never wanted to leave. I only left because I had to.

I have never been in a physically abusive relationship, but I have been in a relationship that had the same kind cyclic “personality.” I understand all too well the highs and lows. How you begin to feel that this is what you deserve to have. How you often find yourself apologizing, believing that it was all your fault.

Abusive relationships are intense and complicated, and so many people don’t understand this. All they see is a girl getting beaten and not leaving. Before we can REALLY make progress on this front and help people, we have to understand not only what happens in abusive relationships, but why these things often happen. And understand it from both sides. Not to excuse the abuser, but to try to understand why.

I found the video and song to be empowering and more than anything, REAL. And that is why I like it.