Comments on: Privacy Invasion

By: giles

giles — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 08:43:02 +0000

On reflection, there are really two issues here;

Is it OK to invade and clean? Possibly. Possibly not.

Is it OK to do so when there are private things scattered around? Absolutely not.

Longer version:

(1) Is it OK for the parent of a stay-home-adult reasonably invade their room to clean?
Lots of argument up thread about this. It’s debatable.

(2) Is it OK for the parent to intrude on a private situation?

I think that has to be a resounding “no”. Even if it’s OK to invade and clean, if you were in residence road-testing adult products, or having sex, she’d blush and beat a hasty retreat. If you’re not present, some situations can still be private: e.g. you left your diary open on the bed, or – going back a few decades – Polaroids of intimate moments. I think scattered sex toys easily comes into this category.

(Sorry to resurrect this, and – hey – I’m an erotica blogger so I don’t know why I’m giving this brain space, but there you are….)

By: giles

giles — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 22:04:03 +0000

That has to be quote of the year.

By: Ghouldilocks

Ghouldilocks — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 22:21:30 +0000

Jesus Tap-Dancing Christ, people. Get a GRIP. IT IS A GOD. DAMN. ROOM.

As an adult, (no matter what state of disarray my room may be in) I do have the right to expect some privacy.

I live in my parents’ home. I have my own room. NOBODY touches anything in that room except for me. Why? Because, though my parents own the actual room, the THINGS in that room are MY property. They belong to ME.

If my parents were to just waltz right on into my room and go through my things, I have every right to feel violated. Especially if they were to go through things as personal as sex toys.

I mean COME ON. Are you all seriously telling me that you wouldn’t feel violated if your parents (of all people) went through items that may have been in your vagina or ass? I find that hard to believe.

By: Ashley

Ashley — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 19:35:01 +0000

I don’t think it’s unrealistic as an adult, even in your parents’ home, to expect privacy. Of course, every parent is different; I still live at home with my mom and she respects my privacy. She doesn’t go in my room without asking or knocking, she doesn’t go through my stuff (even if it’s just laying around), she doesn’t open my mail, and she stopped cleaning my room when I was old enough to do it myself (even when it gets messy enough to drive her nuts), etc. So maybe because of that I’ve come to believe that if you’re an adult, it doesn’t really matter if you live at home: you deserve privacy.

By: Carrie Ann

Carrie Ann — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 19:17:28 +0000

Most adults prefer a clean home. If she’s already asked you to clean your room before, when it “gets to that point” she should not have to continue asking. You already know she prefers you keep your room clean – because she’s asked before.

You’re an adult, a 25 year old woman, you should not have to be asked, talked to, reminded or even told what the expectations are.

Invasions of privacy suck but telling your adult child, repeatedly, to do something so basic sucks even more so.

By: Jess

Jess — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 13:02:19 +0000

I see both sides of this for sure…that’s really embarrassing and I’d be worried she improperly stored things and may cause damage to the toys.

However, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to assume that you are expected to keep your living space clean. Not clutter, but obv. food is going to attract bugs and stuff – no one wants that in their house. I think the point is that you shouldn’t really have to be asked to clean your room, esp. at 25.

I’m inclined to agree that she may have done it to embarrass you enough to want to just handle it yourself in the future.

By: giles

giles — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 10:20:51 +0000

No, I think having a grown up child at home means you have to accept that they’re an adult and not invade their space, any more than if you had a lodger. The “My house/My rules” thing might be logical, but it’s not reasonable and bound to corrode the relationship.

(However, perhaps cleaning for you is her only available way of nurturing you…. don’t be too hard on her.)

@ Miss Mar: If you’re worried about your mum rummaging, deploy some decoys where she can find them if she violates your privacy: shocking items that, however, are not fetish – a vibrator, hardcore straight sex DVDs, that sort of thing. It’ll punish her, but not give her any material for worry.

By: Britni TheVadgeWig

Britni TheVadgeWig — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 02:24:54 +0000

How about the fact that my mother has never told me that I am EXPECTED to keep my room clean? How about that I lived on my own for 5 years, and my room was a mess. It’s just how I keep it. Again, if I knew my mother EXPECTED a clean room at all times, I’d attempt to be neater. But she didn’t ask me. She took it upon herself to walk into my room and clean it without asking me, telling me, or looking for another solution.

By: A

Tue, 08 Jun 2010 02:22:21 +0000

Britni
Although I understand the need for privacy, as you pointed out you are a 25 year old woman and not a child, therefore your mother sincerely should not have to tell you to clean your room, you simply should keep it clean IF you already know your mother expects a clean room. You reside in her home. You understand what it is she desires. Why should she need to tell you again, since you are a grown woman. Children tend to need repeating, but a grown up?

I understand it can be frustrating living at home at your age and having a mum look through your belongings would feel awkward and definitely invasive; however, it is her house and it is unfair of you to expect to be able to have an untidy or dirty room if she does not wish for that.
~a

By: jacquie

jacquie — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 00:27:14 +0000

could have been worse, you could have had to look through your mom’s sex toys