Comments on: DADT + Rape Culture

By: April

April — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 16:13:56 +0000

Just wanted to say that I TOTALLY agree with Andrea. Britni, you really provide some thought provoking posts but I have a problem when you write things such as "women do have to live their lives in fear, or at least being uncomfortable or worried, much of the time". I have been raped and I do not "live in fear…". I do not look at men at potential rapist nor do I feel like it could happen again at any moment that I am alone with a male. Now I do fear the man that raped me but I don't live in fear. I guess that is a choice I have made. If you do believe what you write then aren't you are basically saying that EVERYONE lives in fear…. because even males have and will be again raped? Or that women live in fear of other women because women have been raped by other women?
I am just trying to understand how you can group "every single human female on the fucking planet" together in this when it is simply not true of all women. I personally do not want anyone thinking I live like that or view the world like that.

By: Andrea

Andrea — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 00:04:29 +0000

welcome to what every single human female on the fucking planet deals with from puberty onward. You don’t like the idea that some man you’re not attracted to might be fantasizing about having sex with you, might be eyeing your fun bits, that there’s even a remote but existing chance he might rape you? Harden. The fuck. Up. Fifty percent of the population has to cope with this every day as a fact of life, [...]

Ya know...I keep wanting to comment on this topic when you bring it up and I always decide against it after I type it all out.

But...I'm a woman. I've had a few guys try to rape me. One of which was a very good friend of mine who I had to fight and scratch and push and dig at with all of my might. One guy I had to get off of me when I woke up and found him on top of me.

But...I still do not view ALL men as potential rapists. I don't. I can't. For me? That's the same as racial profiling. I can't imagine going through life with such a view point. Viewing all people as something that horrid based on the actions of a few.

Maybe I don't fully understand what you mean. Maybe.

All I know is how I feel when I read that statement and how hard I disagree with it.

I'm not walking around every day of my life worrying about what man I may not be attracted to is or is not fantasizing about having sex with me. That a man I may not be attracted to may or may not look at me as I walk by. It's just not something that is really all the present in my mind. And I cannot be the only one.

Now, on to the topic of DADT, yeah...I've used this argument. Not the "rape" angle, but just the "how is this different than unwanted attention from someone of the opposite sex?" I really don't understand what the big deal is.

By: alana

alana — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 17:45:50 +0000

I think the reason more anti-gay people are men is because masculinity has become entangled with homophobia. Similar to how our idea of masculinity promotes sexism, homophobia is just the next stop on the “show no feelings be bad mofo” train. It’s unfortunate.

By: Emily

Emily — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 17:36:17 +0000

This raises some really great ideas about why men are so opposed to gay men in the military.

One thing: I hate to point this out, but rapists don't necessarily wait until puberty to sexually assault females.

Also, I do think it's great to bring up the homophobic thoughts that military men might have-- that gay men would be ogling them, hitting on them, fantasizing about them, etc. But while these men might fear sexual assault from gay men, I think it's important to be very clear that rape isn't about sexual attraction and orientation. Most sexual assault of a male is committed by a man who wouldn't identify as gay.

So while I think it's important to identify this as a hypothetical concern, the answer isn't "Yes, but women have to deal with this all the time," but rather that any man regardless of orientation could commit rape of a man OR a woman. It's not about sex, it's about power.

By: Welcome to Chicago, Jillinois

Welcome to Chicago, Jillinois — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 14:40:28 +0000

This post: YES.

By: Saraid

Saraid — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 14:18:38 +0000

Great post, Brit. And I'm with Epiphora, I didn't think of that argument either.

By: Britni TheVadgeWig

Britni TheVadgeWig — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 09:12:02 +0000

Wilhelmina, I don't disagree with you. However, I read those comments coming from a place of frustration and anger. Which makes sense, though I don't disagree that your approach would be more beneficial when trying to reach a larger audience.

By: Epiphora

Epiphora — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 07:41:19 +0000

Wow, I hadn't thought of that argument either, and yet it makes such complete sense. I wish I could meet a bigot just to use this argument, haha.

By: Wilhelmina

Wilhelmina — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 05:16:34 +0000

just an addendum: i'm not really down with all the "STFU" and "toughen up and shut up" comments, either. i don't think we should tell men to stop whining about these hurtful experiences they've had. heaven knows they do that enough already, with rape and lots of other things. i think the more appropriate response would be: "hey, open your eyes."

By: Vanilla Kinks

Vanilla Kinks — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 04:22:47 +0000

I have a friend, 27 year old male in the army reserves. He's Catholic and very, very conservative. I asked him about the possible repeal of DADT. His response: I don't care.

I was very proud of his view. His only concern, "Can they aim? That's all I really care about."