Comments on: More Normal Than You Think

By: Epiphora

Epiphora — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 00:23:35 +0000

This may be one of your best posts ever. It's so truthful and sweet, and so enlightening.

By: Sulpicia

Sulpicia — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 20:50:00 +0000

Wow. De-lurking day for me. I've often wanted to say that you have such an amazing ability to get to the heart of things, the hardest of places, in a way that reads so naturally and beautifully. You find the little corners and shine some lights. You de-bunk crap. So… I'll say thanks, again. Oh, right, and you make me laugh, too!

By: Meg

Meg — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 06:04:16 +0000

Your whole relationship with Profligacy has been educational for me, having never known anything about D/s relationships and their dynamics. I always figured it was just a sexual kink, and not a whole style of having a relationship (if that makes sense). I'm glad that you guys are happy, and hope that things work out for you to live nearer each other or together. : )

By: elitza

elitza — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 15:27:44 +0000

So very glad you posted this. Thank you again; I just love seeing this side of you two.

By: Truly

Truly — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 14:22:51 +0000

I love what TBK said about BDSM bringing symbolic parts of a relationship to life; that seems exactly right. It's sort of like a magnifying glass that enlarges dynamics that are always there, but usually not in sharp focus. And every couple, vanilla or d/s, has rituals and rites that might seem strange to anyone outside the relationship, but that are a big part of the glue—the love—that holds that couple together.

By: The Beautiful Kind

The Beautiful Kind — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 14:08:26 +0000

I found that discovering BDSM was like discovering sex all over again. It brings many symbolic parts of a relationship to life, makes them more vivid, ACKNOWLEDGES THEM. Example: you being chained to the bed at night.
BDSM can be very intense, but it can also be fun and playful.
I love that we have such a wide range to express ourselves – from vanilla to deep, dark spiced chocolate…

By: Saynine

Saynine — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 13:53:38 +0000

I think in a way you hit upon the crux of it all in your title. "Normal" one of the beautiful things to me about BDSM relationships is that each one seems to seek it's own "Normal".

And anyone who cannot see the Love between you two is simply not paying attention.

By: Ferns

Ferns — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 13:06:58 +0000

I'm reluctant to draw gender lines around it, but you could be right. I would extend it in BDSM to those males who have no experience with D/s relationship.

I think the blatant sexuality expressed by those who are public about BDSM is also a factor. Most male submissives come into BDSM all about the kinky stuff and don't even consider that it can be part of a normal relationship. If they have never been in a D/s relationship, the context of it is not something that they can relate to. No different from virgins being exposed to vanilla sex blogs or sites, the boys who haven't had much of it seek out the 'good bits' and largely ignore the rest.

I started my blog to try and show something a little more than the 'acts' in a femdom relationship, but those who just see the acts and nothing more are going to just see that no matter what.

I was going to leave my comment there, but one more thing that strikes me is that the filtered/projected view is exactly why some vanilla folks would read what you and I write and see something horrible and wrong. They (male or female) are not going to see love or hotness, they will see abuse or sickness. A different kind of projection, but the same principle and certainly not defined by gender.

Ferns

By: Britni TheVadgeWig

Britni TheVadgeWig — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 12:43:26 +0000

Ferns, sometimes I wonder if it's a male/female thing. I sense the love, because, as a female, I tend to be more emotional and sensitive. Men are more excited by the sexual aspects, so that's what they focus on.

Massive generalizations, but a theory.

By: Ferns

Ferns — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 12:33:48 +0000

"I often wonder how people can miss the love that comes through
the words being shared..."

You referenced my blog in that phrase, and it makes me happy that you see what I put into it. I have an answer for your question, or a theory at least.

I think people see what they want to see, they project based on their own experience and desires. I think that's human nature.

You see the love and affection in those relationships because it reflects your relationship and where you are. Others see harshness and distance because that's what they desire and want to see.

The number of times that submissive men think that I am some bitch goddess is staggering. I look at my words and I wonder how they get that impression, and it can only be because they will read into my words the thing that they want to see. It really has nothing to do with me or what I write.

Ferns