Today, I joked about objectification on twitter, but this and entitlement, to me, are the real problems we ALL need to work on. Whether it is the guy in the monster truck that jumped the curb to get around traffic at the light today, the pretty blond who parked in the handicap spot because no one calls her on it, or the free speaker above, thinking they have a right beyond others. This is basically what we were supposed to learn is not true in kindergarten 101.

I am guilty as the next person of objectification and entitlement. I gawk profusely at women, although I try to be stealthy. I feel entitled to drink from the coffee pot at work before it’s done perking, stealing the heart right out the batch (ok, I have worse examples, but this really pisses my co-workers off, and I don’t care)

I had a friend show me pictures of a party where a friend got drunk and they took pictures of his penis with a plastic Godzilla. It was SO funny, at the time. Was it rape? Probably. My first thought? NEVER get too drunk with these folks, after I too laughed like a frat boy, I might add. Then I wondered if he got mad after, or was too embarrassed to object to the violation.

Sex is sex. Women have it. Men want it. We all use it.

Any of these examples would be different if the person who controlled it told us it was ok to do so. Who could do so without permission? Anyone, you never know. When your car gets robbed, your faith in humanity goes down a notch. It is natural. Do you get alarmed when the guy standing by the car is upset when he sees you lock the door? You bet. My life experience is different than yours. I see things differently. We all do.

Dark, I would be the excrement you speak of. Your post speaks for itself.

Rape is not, I repeat, *NOT* an act of desire, lust, sexuality or love. Rape is an act of violence and control and dominance, (not to mention insecurity and inadequacy).

The disconnect that is happening here is not one of men = predator, women = prey. The disconnect is in teaching respect and value for everyone. Britni is angry because we are living in a society that has given boys (and some stupid men) the idea that "rape" is frivolous and hip. Sadly, I believe it is hard for most men to truly internalize the enormity of the possibility of being a victim of sexual assault because it is something that, mostly, happens to women. Most men weren't taught by their mothers to cross the street when walking alone at dusk to avoid a man coming in the opposite direction in order to protect themselves against the possibility of being dragged into an abandoned building/alleyway/whatever and raped. Men, in general, aren't being kidnapped and sold into sexual slavery around the world. By and large, women are the victims of sexual assault.

I do not believe that any man *could* be a rapist. I understand the problem that good, honorable men have with that generalization. But what I say to you guys who feel insulted by such a blanket statement is this — rather than get upset at the generalization being (on its face) wrong, maybe consider why women could accept this statement as truthful or, at the very least, likely…(which, by the way, I believe Hubman and C & B have done here — I'm just saying, in general…)

Sex Warrior, thank you for your comment. I do want to clarify that I was in no way implying that men were *not* victims of sexual assault or sexual abuse, or that women were never perpetrators of it. Both of those things are completely true (remember, I, too, am a therapist who deals mostly with sexual assault and trauma!).

This post was meant more to serve as a comment about our society as a whole, and the way women are treated by males in society at large. Not just the *rapes* per se, but the cat calling, the groping on subways, the blatant objectifying. These are all symptoms of a much larger underlying problem.

However, you do make a good point in reminding people that it isn't just female victims and male perpetrators. Either sex can be a victim, and either sex can be a perpetrator.

And, Britni, you're right. About everything.

A bit about me first. I'm a survivor of child sexual abuse and rape as an adult woman, I'm also a psychologist & therapist who's worked with women survivors of rape and sexual abuse as well as studied forensic psychology, sex offending in particular in order to work with sex offenders. So I guess I see the 'issue' from a lot of different perspectives.

The two main points I want to pick up on are:
1. Males are sexually abused in childhood nearly as frequently as females (some would argue moreso) in the country in which I live, this is not the case worldwide. Males are also raped, however the reporting of a male being raped is far less common than a female being raped. I'm not stating the obvious to in any way negate the female experience or power dynamic in 'Western' society, I just want to remind people that experience of rape is not isolated to women. Men are just much less likely to disclose and/or report.

2. Women sexually abuse and rape. Again, I'm not stating the obvious to negate the reality that the vast majority of sexual offences are perpetrated by men – not in any way shape or form. But for me when we look at sexual offending from a gender perspective in terms of male perpetrators and female 'victims' we perpetuate the idea that female sex offenders do not exist, they do exist and in higher numbers than I guarantee most readers here realise. Focusing solely on male perpetrators allows female perpetrators to fly under the radar and therefore continue to be unsuspected, unwatched and offend.

So in effect, both men and women are 'technically' capable of rape, it is possible for both men and women to be raped – a penis is not a requirement for sexual assault. The reasons why men & women sexually offend are very complex and varied, some are treatable and some are not. That's a different days work and a near endless argument in terms of the efficacy of treatment & diagnosis of particular disorders etc.

x

The point is that this is the new "I'd fuck her for DAYS" comment. It's "popular" now. And it's meant to be 'flattering' girls are supposed to blush and feel sexy when this phrase is said.

No…not every man has the capacity for rape…but when "I'd rape the shit out of her" is uttered by every kind of man, it's kind of hard for a woman to feel safe.

Yes, there are a ton of wonderful men in the world who treat women with the respect they deserve. HOWEVER, there is just no denying that it is socially acceptable to talk about and treat women like sexual objects. I'm sure all you super awesome men out there know men personally who've spoken about women in a demeaning manner, and I'm pretty sure you all didn't jump to the women in question's defense. But maybe you did…and that's more awesome than I can even communicate.

Anyway, when a person's post title is "I'm Angry" I think we should all recognize that the post will be slightly biased by said anger.

Fuck right, she's angry…we should all be so angry about this!