Comments on: Hate “The Player” And The Game http://britisshameless.com/2009/11/hate-the-player-and-the-game/ I'm nothing but a brash and impetuous girl striving to be true to myself while searching for somewhere to belong, someone to love, and a better version of me. Thu, 18 Nov 2010 02:47:46 +0000 hourly 1 By: Fear and Loathing http://britisshameless.com/2009/11/hate-the-player-and-the-game/comment-page-1/#comment-13721 Fear and Loathing Thu, 08 Jul 2010 04:03:43 +0000 http://britisshameless.com/?p=982#comment-13721 [...] and a half. Looking at the screen, I couldn’t take my eyes off of It. Sitting in my inbox was His Name. The one I’d worked so hard to stop seeing in my nightmares. The one that, even after all [...] [...] and a half. Looking at the screen, I couldn’t take my eyes off of It. Sitting in my inbox was His Name. The one I’d worked so hard to stop seeing in my nightmares. The one that, even after all [...]

]]> By: I Don’t Know Why… http://britisshameless.com/2009/11/hate-the-player-and-the-game/comment-page-1/#comment-11863 I Don’t Know Why… Tue, 13 Apr 2010 00:03:11 +0000 http://britisshameless.com/?p=982#comment-11863 [...] come a long way in the healing process of recovering from the emotional wounds that the relationship left me with. Most days, I think I’m completely healed. Days like today remind me that maybe [...] [...] come a long way in the healing process of recovering from the emotional wounds that the relationship left me with. Most days, I think I’m completely healed. Days like today remind me that maybe [...]

]]> By: Welcome to Chicago, Jillinois http://britisshameless.com/2009/11/hate-the-player-and-the-game/comment-page-1/#comment-5883 Welcome to Chicago, Jillinois Wed, 18 Nov 2009 19:26:54 +0000 http://britisshameless.com/?p=982#comment-5883 Ok, then I wonder if the reverse holds true... that people who have had D/s fantasies their whole lives are more prone to experience, and more importantly, stay in unhealthy relationships as you've described above? I'm thinking of myself as an example (also you and the Bruiser comes to mind). I know that this is not always the case of course, and that people grow and overcome these unhealthy patterns (us as examples), but I do find it interesting that they seem to often correlate. Ok, then I wonder if the reverse holds true… that people who have had D/s fantasies their whole lives are more prone to experience, and more importantly, stay in unhealthy relationships as you've described above? I'm thinking of myself as an example (also you and the Bruiser comes to mind). I know that this is not always the case of course, and that people grow and overcome these unhealthy patterns (us as examples), but I do find it interesting that they seem to often correlate.

]]> By: alana http://britisshameless.com/2009/11/hate-the-player-and-the-game/comment-page-1/#comment-5881 alana Wed, 18 Nov 2009 18:08:35 +0000 http://britisshameless.com/?p=982#comment-5881 Using Allison’s name at the end was great and really symbolized the fact you’re letting go. I’ve never been in this type of relationship, but one guy I dated starting going down this road with all the drama and flirting and it was incredibly easy to get sucked in and it escalated so quickly (I ended it quickly though). <br /><br />I think situations like this would be less of a problem if we didn’t cultivate a society where women constantly feel the need to one up other women. Obviously it wouldn’t take away all problems, but I think it would at least help us recognize these situations when they happen. Using Allison’s name at the end was great and really symbolized the fact you’re letting go. I’ve never been in this type of relationship, but one guy I dated starting going down this road with all the drama and flirting and it was incredibly easy to get sucked in and it escalated so quickly (I ended it quickly though).

I think situations like this would be less of a problem if we didn’t cultivate a society where women constantly feel the need to one up other women. Obviously it wouldn’t take away all problems, but I think it would at least help us recognize these situations when they happen.

]]> By: Ms Scarlett http://britisshameless.com/2009/11/hate-the-player-and-the-game/comment-page-1/#comment-5880 Ms Scarlett Wed, 18 Nov 2009 17:34:57 +0000 http://britisshameless.com/?p=982#comment-5880 That last line says more about your journey than anything. I love that you and she were able to recognize each other as people rather than mortal enemies.<br /><br />What a long, hard road, Britni. You should be SO proud of yourself for emerging stronger and with more self-knowledge. Hugs! That last line says more about your journey than anything. I love that you and she were able to recognize each other as people rather than mortal enemies.

What a long, hard road, Britni. You should be SO proud of yourself for emerging stronger and with more self-knowledge. Hugs!

]]> By: Britni TheVadgeWig http://britisshameless.com/2009/11/hate-the-player-and-the-game/comment-page-1/#comment-5879 Britni TheVadgeWig Wed, 18 Nov 2009 17:32:18 +0000 http://britisshameless.com/?p=982#comment-5879 Vanilla Kinks, I'm sorry that you are going through this. Only you can answer the question of why you continue to put up with it. And like I said, you won't walk away until you're ready, though I'd say him marrying someone else was a pretty big slap in the face.<br /><br />Jillinois, you asked:<br /><i>Do you think that people who have had experiences with these types of unhealthy and abusive relationships are more prone to be attracted to D/s play/relationships?</i><br /><br />I'm sure for some people that's the case. I can definitely see how it could be. If someone's been a victim of abuse all their lives and it's all they know, they may need to feel some kind of "abusive" behavior in order to feel loved, because they associate pain, degradation, and humiliation with love. I'm actually planning a post about traumatic bonding and how it functions in abusive and BDSM relationships much the same way.<br /><br />For me, I know that's not the case. I've had submissive and masochistic sexual fantasies since I was a little girl, before i ever knew what BDSM was. And I started reading about BDSM and kink before I became involved with CB, and it really resonated with me, though I had yet to explore it. CB's strict ideas regarding women, sex, and the kind of woman his partner should be forced me to stop exploring my bisexuality and kinkiness just as I was beginning on that journey, so I never got to fully experience it until after. However, it was something that resonated with me before I was involved in this relationship. Vanilla Kinks, I'm sorry that you are going through this. Only you can answer the question of why you continue to put up with it. And like I said, you won't walk away until you're ready, though I'd say him marrying someone else was a pretty big slap in the face.

Jillinois, you asked:
Do you think that people who have had experiences with these types of unhealthy and abusive relationships are more prone to be attracted to D/s play/relationships?

I'm sure for some people that's the case. I can definitely see how it could be. If someone's been a victim of abuse all their lives and it's all they know, they may need to feel some kind of "abusive" behavior in order to feel loved, because they associate pain, degradation, and humiliation with love. I'm actually planning a post about traumatic bonding and how it functions in abusive and BDSM relationships much the same way.

For me, I know that's not the case. I've had submissive and masochistic sexual fantasies since I was a little girl, before i ever knew what BDSM was. And I started reading about BDSM and kink before I became involved with CB, and it really resonated with me, though I had yet to explore it. CB's strict ideas regarding women, sex, and the kind of woman his partner should be forced me to stop exploring my bisexuality and kinkiness just as I was beginning on that journey, so I never got to fully experience it until after. However, it was something that resonated with me before I was involved in this relationship.

]]> By: Sylvanus http://britisshameless.com/2009/11/hate-the-player-and-the-game/comment-page-1/#comment-5878 Sylvanus Wed, 18 Nov 2009 15:23:58 +0000 http://britisshameless.com/?p=982#comment-5878 *hugs*<br /><br />what else can I say? *hugs*

what else can I say?

]]> By: Welcome to Chicago, Jillinois http://britisshameless.com/2009/11/hate-the-player-and-the-game/comment-page-1/#comment-5877 Welcome to Chicago, Jillinois Wed, 18 Nov 2009 14:40:34 +0000 http://britisshameless.com/?p=982#comment-5877 Do you think that people who have had experiences with these types of unhealthy and abusive relationships are more prone to be attracted to D/s play/relationships? <br /><br />I think that the cycle of D/s play, especially the "receiving abuse" portion of the sub role (though it's consensual in D/s relationships) and then receiving reward/affection from one's Dom mirrors these types of relationships (wanting to please, being rewarded/chosen/being made to feel special, then pushed away/"abused", winning back approval, rewarded again, etc.). <br /><br />I think whatever it is that is in some people, especially women, to crave approval is what makes them more susceptible to being a victim to this type (or any type, I suppose) of abuse. It's rare that people are self-aware enough to recognize this and deal with it in a healthy way, either by breaking the cycle of abuse or finding their "fix" via healthy D/s play or relationships. Thoughts? Do you think that people who have had experiences with these types of unhealthy and abusive relationships are more prone to be attracted to D/s play/relationships?

I think that the cycle of D/s play, especially the "receiving abuse" portion of the sub role (though it's consensual in D/s relationships) and then receiving reward/affection from one's Dom mirrors these types of relationships (wanting to please, being rewarded/chosen/being made to feel special, then pushed away/"abused", winning back approval, rewarded again, etc.).

I think whatever it is that is in some people, especially women, to crave approval is what makes them more susceptible to being a victim to this type (or any type, I suppose) of abuse. It's rare that people are self-aware enough to recognize this and deal with it in a healthy way, either by breaking the cycle of abuse or finding their "fix" via healthy D/s play or relationships. Thoughts?

]]> By: Sa http://britisshameless.com/2009/11/hate-the-player-and-the-game/comment-page-1/#comment-5875 Sa Wed, 18 Nov 2009 09:37:41 +0000 http://britisshameless.com/?p=982#comment-5875 This is wonderful. I think we all know this guy, either because he tortured us or our friends. I'm so glad you realized that Allison was just as much of a pawn as you were...I think the worse part of this player-business is that it pits the two victims against each other. This is wonderful. I think we all know this guy, either because he tortured us or our friends. I'm so glad you realized that Allison was just as much of a pawn as you were…I think the worse part of this player-business is that it pits the two victims against each other.

]]> By: Vanilla Kinks http://britisshameless.com/2009/11/hate-the-player-and-the-game/comment-page-1/#comment-5874 Vanilla Kinks Wed, 18 Nov 2009 06:47:44 +0000 http://britisshameless.com/?p=982#comment-5874 Holy shit! This is my ex, and I'm still letting him play his games with me even though he was dating me, and MARRIED another woman behind my back. Neither me or the wife knew about this for 6 months.<br /><br />Dude, why am I still playing his silly games??? Holy shit! This is my ex, and I'm still letting him play his games with me even though he was dating me, and MARRIED another woman behind my back. Neither me or the wife knew about this for 6 months.

Dude, why am I still playing his silly games???

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