Comments on: My Story of Rape: Prelude

By: Florida Dom

Florida Dom — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 11:22:14 +0000

I'm glad you're not blaming yourself. No means No and you were violated. Good luck in dealing with the trauma.

By: Ghouldilocks

Ghouldilocks — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 09:20:21 +0000

All I can say is thank you for being strong enough to share your story. I'm sure it will help many of the women (and some men, I'm sure) who read your blog, and have also been sexually assaulted/raped, become SURVIVORS instead of victims. I have never experienced what you have, but I hope that if – god forbid – something like this were to happen to me, I would be able to handle it the way you have.

And anyone who blames you for what happened is a fuckwit, in my opinion.

By: Another Suburban Mom

Another Suburban Mom — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 02:32:47 +0000

Dear Britni:

Thank you for sharing your story. You are a brave lady for sharing it.

By: Britni TheVadgeWig

Britni TheVadgeWig — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 02:17:11 +0000

Sylvanus: Thank you for your comment, really and truly. More men should be even half the man that you are.

Champs and Benz, you asked:
I would like to ask about how this experience has affected your relationship with your new Dom. You appear to totally surrender yourself to him on occasion – letting him piss in your mouth and beat you. Where do the lines get drawn in that relationship and how have you managed to be so successful at it? If you’re tied up, have submitted yourself and are totally helpless, how does your Dom know what is acceptable and what’s not – especially when things can be so extreme between you. Do you set the limits beforehand – you can do this, this and this, but don’t touch my ass.

It hasn't affected my relationship with my Master because I trust Him, and I choose to submit to Him. It's all my choice, and like you said, consensual. He know's what's acceptable and what's not because limits and boundaries have been discussed beforehand. They were discussed before we ever played in any capacity.

He knows what the absolute hard limits are, and those are always off limits. I have a safe word, and if I use it, He stops. He also knows me well enough to know when I am really and truly in pain or not enjoying what is happening. And I trust Him to stop and to trust the boundaries that we have set. If I didn't, I wouldn't submit to Him. I touch on it more in this post.

mrs. m: Guilt is one of the hardest feelings to let go of and tends to linger a lot longer than anger. When you're angry, it's usually directed at someone else, and you blame them and feel that *they* should have acted differently. Guilt is directed at you, nd it's much easier to forgive ourselves when we feel like *we* should have acted differently, because we feel like we should be able to control our own actions.

You can read here about some of the effects that survivors suffer as adults, and this link has good information, as well as a "special note on guilt and shame" that is worth reading.

It's a natural feeling that many (if not most) victims of abuse of any kind feel and hold on to. I know that you mentioned that you were afraid of therapy, but it really is a good idea and very helpful in helping you let go of that guilt.

To everyone that said that they understand, because it's happened to them: I'm truly sorry that any of you had to go through anything like this. No matter how different your story is than mine, that doesn't make it any more or less traumatic. You all are amazing.

Thank you guys for your support and encouragement. All of you. You guys are amazing.

By: Barefoot Dreamer

Barefoot Dreamer — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 01:41:36 +0000

what to say? you have made telling your story look easy – that is like saying a professional chef makes cooking look easy — it is something not at all easy. thank you for sharing with us, and for trusting us.

I know the feeling… I know

By: RavenQuince

RavenQuince — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 00:12:34 +0000

I wish I could say that I can't relate. Upon breaking up with an ex, he raped me. It wasn't violent, it wasn't physically painful. But it was totally non-consensual. Apparently repeating "NO. NO. NO. …" didn't mean anything to him. Sadly, at the time, I didn't feel that I could tell anyone about it. The first person I told is my husband. By that point, it had been 10 years since the rape. I thought I was over it. But the release of telling someone about it and having him love me and accept me and console me and assure me that I'd done nothing to deserve it was incredibly powerful. I realized that it wasn't until that moment of telling someone that I truly began to heal emotionally.

By: Sa

Sa — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 21:51:02 +0000

Thank you for sharing, thank you for telling your story. It makes such a difference to those who've blamed themselves already for something they had no responsability for. You are wonderful

By: Meg

Meg — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 21:50:28 +0000

You are stronger than you know, Britni. Good for you, getting the story out and being a survivor.

By: voyeur36

voyeur36 — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 21:10:19 +0000

This post proves you are stronger than you thought you were. Hopefully talking about it and realising it was not your fault will help with the healing. Be strong, or should I say, be stronger.

By: Topaz

Topaz — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 20:59:21 +0000

I have told you before and will tell you again – you are both brave and strong for sharing in the hopes of helping, and following through with helping those who have suffered. Violence and abuse are never warranted. What is truly sick about it is when the perpetrators of that violence have no regrets. When they actually enjoy the memory of it, and would do it again.
Many keep their silence in fear of the repercussions. So it's no small thing to say you are strong. It's what I admire about you.