Comments on: Dichotomy http://britisshameless.com/2009/09/dichotomy/ I'm nothing but a brash and impetuous girl striving to be true to myself while searching for somewhere to belong, someone to love, and a better version of me. Thu, 18 Nov 2010 02:47:46 +0000 hourly 1 By: Advizor http://britisshameless.com/2009/09/dichotomy/comment-page-1/#comment-5317 Advizor Mon, 05 Oct 2009 16:14:25 +0000 http://britisshameless.com/?p=916#comment-5317 Britni,<br /><br />I'm glad you put up this post, you answered some of the questions that I have had floating in the back of my head ever since I started reading your blog and found out your profession.<br /><br />In some ways you may be uniquely qualified to talk with your clients about unhealthy relationships because you are in a state of constant analysis with yours. As your master stated above in the comments, as soon as he crosses the line, you are gone, and as long as you have that choice, you can enjoy the relationship.<br /><br />I think you have to keep a close ear to your own internal dialogue, and as soon as you start telling yourself things you tell your clients, it may be time to go. Britni,

I'm glad you put up this post, you answered some of the questions that I have had floating in the back of my head ever since I started reading your blog and found out your profession.

In some ways you may be uniquely qualified to talk with your clients about unhealthy relationships because you are in a state of constant analysis with yours. As your master stated above in the comments, as soon as he crosses the line, you are gone, and as long as you have that choice, you can enjoy the relationship.

I think you have to keep a close ear to your own internal dialogue, and as soon as you start telling yourself things you tell your clients, it may be time to go.

]]> By: April http://britisshameless.com/2009/09/dichotomy/comment-page-1/#comment-5261 April Mon, 28 Sep 2009 16:28:28 +0000 http://britisshameless.com/?p=916#comment-5261 I would like to add that I have never understood why anyone would want to be pissed on or want to piss on someone. I cannot see the eroticism in that one bit. I mean, I know people are into many different things, but this is one that I just don't understand. It's bodily waste! Nothing against you or your Master, I was just throwing in my opinion on the issue. I've tried to see why it would be hot, but I can't. I would like to add that I have never understood why anyone would want to be pissed on or want to piss on someone. I cannot see the eroticism in that one bit. I mean, I know people are into many different things, but this is one that I just don't understand. It's bodily waste! Nothing against you or your Master, I was just throwing in my opinion on the issue. I've tried to see why it would be hot, but I can't.

]]> By: Eliot http://britisshameless.com/2009/09/dichotomy/comment-page-1/#comment-5258 Eliot Sun, 27 Sep 2009 22:05:46 +0000 http://britisshameless.com/?p=916#comment-5258 What the April directly above me said. What the April directly above me said.

]]> By: April http://britisshameless.com/2009/09/dichotomy/comment-page-1/#comment-5257 April Sun, 27 Sep 2009 01:51:58 +0000 http://britisshameless.com/?p=916#comment-5257 I completely don't understand the lifestyle at all. It really kind of turns me off. <br />That being said, who gives a shit if any of us agree or understand or like it?<br />Clearly you do, and he does, and that's all that matters. <br />I am just happy to see you happy with someone intelligent who loves you back, even if it's not a kind of love that I "get". <br />Different strokes for different folks. You do what makes you happy and don't feel like a hypocrite. I completely don't understand the lifestyle at all. It really kind of turns me off.
That being said, who gives a shit if any of us agree or understand or like it?
Clearly you do, and he does, and that's all that matters.
I am just happy to see you happy with someone intelligent who loves you back, even if it's not a kind of love that I "get".
Different strokes for different folks. You do what makes you happy and don't feel like a hypocrite.

]]> By: Ms Scarlett http://britisshameless.com/2009/09/dichotomy/comment-page-1/#comment-5256 Ms Scarlett Sat, 26 Sep 2009 21:13:57 +0000 http://britisshameless.com/?p=916#comment-5256 I think you've hit it bang on, Britni. Consent may be a fine line, but it's the critical difference. <br />Personally I think it would require a great deal of trust to be fully in the D/s lifestyle, and someone who abuses you (non-consensually) would never gain that sort of trust.<br />Great post. I think you've hit it bang on, Britni. Consent may be a fine line, but it's the critical difference.
Personally I think it would require a great deal of trust to be fully in the D/s lifestyle, and someone who abuses you (non-consensually) would never gain that sort of trust.
Great post.

]]> By: April http://britisshameless.com/2009/09/dichotomy/comment-page-1/#comment-5253 April Fri, 25 Sep 2009 20:33:11 +0000 http://britisshameless.com/?p=916#comment-5253 You've talked about this before and I think it's very clear how it is that you're able to do what you do. If people don't get it, then they're probably never going to get it. <br /><br />Well written as usual. I think that Bob just doesn't understand the lifestyle. You've talked about this before and I think it's very clear how it is that you're able to do what you do. If people don't get it, then they're probably never going to get it.

Well written as usual. I think that Bob just doesn't understand the lifestyle.

]]> By: Profligacy http://britisshameless.com/2009/09/dichotomy/comment-page-1/#comment-5252 Profligacy Fri, 25 Sep 2009 20:05:01 +0000 http://britisshameless.com/?p=916#comment-5252 To Bob,<br /><br />The fine line you speak of may be passion? Perhaps you are saying D/s play and the physical abuse, that can be a part of it, could easily slip into real non consentual absuse?  I could see someone doing that. However, if I did this with Brit I am sure it would be the last I would see of her, either by her choice and/or the authorities.<br /><br />Your statement "regardless of anyones feelings" makes me hesitate responding to an obviously closed discussion on your part, so I will speak to the others instead.<br /><br />To Everyone else,<br /><br />Yes, it takes a different kind of man. <br /><br />That statement probably moved a few subs to remember a fond partner or visualize the fufillment they are seeking in this lifestyle, in a positive way. Yes, you need and want that ONE that makes it work with you so effortlessly.  You know all too well that he is not just anybody. And despite your desires for that "best friend turned lover" to be that guy who can dance on the edge of make-believe with you, you realize chemistry is found, not created.<br /><br />IMHO, a good Dom requires much practice, great self control and some level of humility. Nobody wants to get REALLY hurt, just the fear it could happen. <br /><br />So trust your instincts.  Avoid delusional people. However, they say Bundy was quite charming and I am sure there are Baptist preachers that beat their wife if the green beans touch the mashed potatoes.  Just use common sense and talk alot first.  <br /><br />Mashed potatoes are fine I suppose, but I prefer my violence with sex, right before Brit and I both come, come hard. Collapsing in a sweaty heap like napping puppies.<br /><br />Profligacy  To Bob,

The fine line you speak of may be passion? Perhaps you are saying D/s play and the physical abuse, that can be a part of it, could easily slip into real non consentual absuse?  I could see someone doing that. However, if I did this with Brit I am sure it would be the last I would see of her, either by her choice and/or the authorities.

Your statement "regardless of anyones feelings" makes me hesitate responding to an obviously closed discussion on your part, so I will speak to the others instead.

To Everyone else,

Yes, it takes a different kind of man. 

That statement probably moved a few subs to remember a fond partner or visualize the fufillment they are seeking in this lifestyle, in a positive way. Yes, you need and want that ONE that makes it work with you so effortlessly.  You know all too well that he is not just anybody. And despite your desires for that "best friend turned lover" to be that guy who can dance on the edge of make-believe with you, you realize chemistry is found, not created.

IMHO, a good Dom requires much practice, great self control and some level of humility. Nobody wants to get REALLY hurt, just the fear it could happen. 

So trust your instincts.  Avoid delusional people. However, they say Bundy was quite charming and I am sure there are Baptist preachers that beat their wife if the green beans touch the mashed potatoes.  Just use common sense and talk alot first.  

Mashed potatoes are fine I suppose, but I prefer my violence with sex, right before Brit and I both come, come hard. Collapsing in a sweaty heap like napping puppies.

Profligacy 

]]> By: Eve http://britisshameless.com/2009/09/dichotomy/comment-page-1/#comment-5251 Eve Fri, 25 Sep 2009 19:16:27 +0000 http://britisshameless.com/?p=916#comment-5251 As you said, consent makes all the difference. I don't see anything hypocritical about your relationship with your master. You could look at it as a question of harm. When a person is controlled or beaten by a partner without their consent, it causes them harm. But, when a person wants their partner to control them or beat them (or whatever turns you on) because it's something they enjoy, it doesn't cause harm. And of course harm is not the same thing as pain. Desired pain is not harmful (unless it goes so far as to cause serious injury, but that's generally not the aim), but unwelcome/non-consensual pain is harmful.<br /><br />Because your master's treatment is something you want that brings you happiness, fulfillment, and pleasure, and because his intent is your happiness, I think that's about as far from abusive as you can get.<br /><br />Yep, it's all about consent! As you said, consent makes all the difference. I don't see anything hypocritical about your relationship with your master. You could look at it as a question of harm. When a person is controlled or beaten by a partner without their consent, it causes them harm. But, when a person wants their partner to control them or beat them (or whatever turns you on) because it's something they enjoy, it doesn't cause harm. And of course harm is not the same thing as pain. Desired pain is not harmful (unless it goes so far as to cause serious injury, but that's generally not the aim), but unwelcome/non-consensual pain is harmful.

Because your master's treatment is something you want that brings you happiness, fulfillment, and pleasure, and because his intent is your happiness, I think that's about as far from abusive as you can get.

Yep, it's all about consent!

]]> By: champagneandbenzedrine http://britisshameless.com/2009/09/dichotomy/comment-page-1/#comment-5249 champagneandbenzedrine Fri, 25 Sep 2009 18:16:50 +0000 http://britisshameless.com/?p=916#comment-5249 Hey Bob, make baseless, judgmental assumptions much? Hey Bob, make baseless, judgmental assumptions much?

]]> By: Britni TheVadgeWig http://britisshameless.com/2009/09/dichotomy/comment-page-1/#comment-5248 Britni TheVadgeWig Fri, 25 Sep 2009 18:15:26 +0000 http://britisshameless.com/?p=916#comment-5248 Bob, not everyone would be able to have the kind of relationship that I do. Not everyone would be able to do the things that my Master does to me. However, I would disagree that it's about violence and hate. And I am NOT being abused. Abuse is nonconsensual. What I'm doing is not.<br /><br />He doesn't want to hurt me. In fact if He's really and truly hurting me, He's doing something wrong. There's no "violence" behind it. And I don't feel like there is any part of Him that hates me. In fact, I feel like He does these things because He loves me. He knows that I'm enjoying them and He wants me to be happy. If I stop wanting or enjoying it, He stops doing it. End of story.<br /><br />Jess, could I lose my job? That's up to my employer. But *technically* I'm not doing anything wrong. I don't discuss specific clients, so I'm not breaking confidentiality, which is really the only thing that I would have to be worried about. I have the right to write about myself, and discuss who I am. Bob, not everyone would be able to have the kind of relationship that I do. Not everyone would be able to do the things that my Master does to me. However, I would disagree that it's about violence and hate. And I am NOT being abused. Abuse is nonconsensual. What I'm doing is not.

He doesn't want to hurt me. In fact if He's really and truly hurting me, He's doing something wrong. There's no "violence" behind it. And I don't feel like there is any part of Him that hates me. In fact, I feel like He does these things because He loves me. He knows that I'm enjoying them and He wants me to be happy. If I stop wanting or enjoying it, He stops doing it. End of story.

Jess, could I lose my job? That's up to my employer. But *technically* I'm not doing anything wrong. I don't discuss specific clients, so I'm not breaking confidentiality, which is really the only thing that I would have to be worried about. I have the right to write about myself, and discuss who I am.

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