Comments on: Tell Me What You Want (What You Really, Really Want)

By: Topaz

Topaz — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 12:09:39 +0000

I liked your response. It acknowledges the possibility of communication breakdown and the receiver's end, not just the sender's end. I guess some ego stroking would be in order!

Great topic, btw!

By: Hubman

Hubman — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 21:31:29 +0000

As you know though, communication only works when the other person is receptive to the message…

Great post!

By: alana

alana — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 17:52:35 +0000

Great post! As I get older it seems obvious that pretty much everything is based on communication. lol

By: Ms. Inconspicuous

Ms. Inconspicuous — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 16:32:14 +0000

I agree with this--somewhat.

But the reason that communication can be so hard is that it carries great risk as well.

For instance, you may communicate your desires, and if your partner is utterly unable to assist you with those desires THEY will feel inadequate (maybe they really want to please you, but just can't...or can't go there), and you will start to feel resentful (because dammit, you were open and honest, and you're still not getting what you want!).

By: Britni TheVadgeWig

Britni TheVadgeWig — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 15:47:53 +0000

Sa, I agree with you. However, I do think that there are subtle and gentle ways to get someone to at least tell you a little bit of what they want, even if they are conservative, repressed, or shy about it. I think this ties in with ASM's point that both partners need to be open to communicating.

Topaz, unfortunately, there are insecure people that are going to take this as criticism, no matter how gently we put things. And that is a problem that is with them, not us. However, the ways that I am most likely to approach it are the ones I mentioned, like dropping little hints while the sex is going on, such as, "Keep doing that" or "Don't stop" or responding extra enthusiastically to something that feels good. The "You know what could be fun?" is also a non intimidating way to bring ideas up, too.

But some people, no matter how you approach it, or going to feel criticized and that's a damn shame.

By: Kara and Jessica

Kara and Jessica — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 15:05:11 +0000

This is something that Me & Jess do all the time so I agree with the post. Since we started exploring D/s and some other things Jess has me keep a journal where I can write the things I wish to try or I think are interesting. It's worked out great for us. Kara XO

By: Red

Red — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 14:55:08 +0000

Nothing is better than a woman (or a man) whispering in your ear, with that sexy voice telling you what then want or need. What a turn on!

By: Another Suburban Mom

Another Suburban Mom — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 12:49:46 +0000

There is noting more important than communication. However both partners have to be willing to do the work on communication for it to work.

By: Topaz

Topaz — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 12:33:50 +0000

I like the subject. Please comment on this:

What happens when you openly communicate (as suggested above, like that, don't stop, increased volume), but your partner takes it as criticism (why you have to direct me) rather than positive reinforcement?

And yes, I'm asking because I've experienced this.

By: Sa

Sa — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 08:25:54 +0000

But first we have to admit that we have desires and fantasies. Maybe it's the European in me, but I find the American vision of sexuality very sanitized and automatic-thus the idea that intercourse is vaginal penetration only etc.-whereas in Europe we are more conscious of the hard work involved, and the many discussions that can ensue. But such fun work!