Comments on: Consent http://britisshameless.com/2009/07/consent/ I'm nothing but a brash and impetuous girl striving to be true to myself while searching for somewhere to belong, someone to love, and a better version of me. Sat, 11 Dec 2010 07:29:26 +0000 hourly 1 By: Britni TheVadgeWig http://britisshameless.com/2009/07/consent/comment-page-1/#comment-4444 Britni TheVadgeWig Thu, 16 Jul 2009 15:34:25 +0000 http://britisshameless.com/?p=819#comment-4444 Sa: The only casual sex I've had that had aspects of BDSM to it was with fuck buddies that I fucked on a continuous basis. You really need to play with people that you really trust, and if you had casual sex with aspects of BDSM, your best bet is to find the kink community in your area and start meeting people. Any other times that my casual sex has had BDSM dynamics were just when I happened to end up hooking up with someone that was a naturally dominant person and there were aspects of that to it, but only because that was the dynamic between our personalities together. I would never play with someone that I didn't know well and trust.<br /><br />perkins: I've been in relationships that don't have a D/s dynamic. It's not a deal breaker for me, however, it's something that I would really prefer to have. Most people that I tell that I'm submissive seem to think it's pretty hot and are willing to work with me to develop that dynamic. However, not everyone can handle it. Some are afraid to hurt me, I've had people tell me they feel like they're disrespecting me. And that's okay, it's just not ideal. Some, however, are able to develop the dynamic with me, even if it's a mild one.<br /><br />And while I definitely like the D/s dynamic sexually, I also like it in other aspects of my relationships as well. Not all the time; I'm not 24/7 with it, but there are other times when I like the dynamic to move outside of the bedroom. I'll be writing about that later this week. Sa: The only casual sex I've had that had aspects of BDSM to it was with fuck buddies that I fucked on a continuous basis. You really need to play with people that you really trust, and if you had casual sex with aspects of BDSM, your best bet is to find the kink community in your area and start meeting people. Any other times that my casual sex has had BDSM dynamics were just when I happened to end up hooking up with someone that was a naturally dominant person and there were aspects of that to it, but only because that was the dynamic between our personalities together. I would never play with someone that I didn't know well and trust.

perkins: I've been in relationships that don't have a D/s dynamic. It's not a deal breaker for me, however, it's something that I would really prefer to have. Most people that I tell that I'm submissive seem to think it's pretty hot and are willing to work with me to develop that dynamic. However, not everyone can handle it. Some are afraid to hurt me, I've had people tell me they feel like they're disrespecting me. And that's okay, it's just not ideal. Some, however, are able to develop the dynamic with me, even if it's a mild one.

And while I definitely like the D/s dynamic sexually, I also like it in other aspects of my relationships as well. Not all the time; I'm not 24/7 with it, but there are other times when I like the dynamic to move outside of the bedroom. I'll be writing about that later this week.

]]> By: twg http://britisshameless.com/2009/07/consent/comment-page-1/#comment-4443 twg Thu, 16 Jul 2009 15:30:32 +0000 http://britisshameless.com/?p=819#comment-4443 I'm not really hardcore into BDSM, but I do really enjoy a little rougher sex than is probably the "norm." I've found that a great way to "hide" bruises is to take up a slightly brutal hobby. I get so many bumps and bruises on my legs from biking that no one knows when it's really just a bite mark.<br /><br />Re: bringing up D/s stuff in a new relationship, I think the easiest way is to just ask for what you want. Start small, but if (s)he's cool with "hold me down" and "spank me," (s)he'll probably be game for more. That's been my experience, anyway. I'm not really hardcore into BDSM, but I do really enjoy a little rougher sex than is probably the "norm." I've found that a great way to "hide" bruises is to take up a slightly brutal hobby. I get so many bumps and bruises on my legs from biking that no one knows when it's really just a bite mark.

Re: bringing up D/s stuff in a new relationship, I think the easiest way is to just ask for what you want. Start small, but if (s)he's cool with "hold me down" and "spank me," (s)he'll probably be game for more. That's been my experience, anyway.

]]> By: perkins http://britisshameless.com/2009/07/consent/comment-page-1/#comment-4442 perkins Thu, 16 Jul 2009 13:29:16 +0000 http://britisshameless.com/?p=819#comment-4442 When in a new relationship do YOU let your potential partner know that you want dom/sub sex? Is it at the beginning so as to avoid wasting either's time persueing a relationship if your partner is not into dom/sub sex? When in a new relationship do YOU let your potential partner know that you want dom/sub sex? Is it at the beginning so as to avoid wasting either's time persueing a relationship if your partner is not into dom/sub sex?

]]> By: Nolens Volens http://britisshameless.com/2009/07/consent/comment-page-1/#comment-4441 Nolens Volens Thu, 16 Jul 2009 12:51:09 +0000 http://britisshameless.com/?p=819#comment-4441 I liked what you did with this subject. You're right...you simplified things, but the fact remains the same no matter what anyone says - abuse is not welcome nor tolerated. I liked what you did with this subject. You're right…you simplified things, but the fact remains the same no matter what anyone says – abuse is not welcome nor tolerated.

]]> By: Red http://britisshameless.com/2009/07/consent/comment-page-1/#comment-4440 Red Thu, 16 Jul 2009 11:49:27 +0000 http://britisshameless.com/?p=819#comment-4440 The motto of the BDSM Community: Safe, Sane, and Consensual. <br /><br />@Sa: you shouldn't play with anyone you don't know and trust...that's when bad things happen. A great way to get to know Kinky people in your area is to join www.fetlife.com (a free social networking site). Talk first, play later! :D The motto of the BDSM Community: Safe, Sane, and Consensual.

@Sa: you shouldn't play with anyone you don't know and trust…that's when bad things happen. A great way to get to know Kinky people in your area is to join http://www.fetlife.com (a free social networking site). Talk first, play later! :D

]]> By: Sa http://britisshameless.com/2009/07/consent/comment-page-1/#comment-4439 Sa Thu, 16 Jul 2009 08:57:04 +0000 http://britisshameless.com/?p=819#comment-4439 I'm glad whenever you broach this topic, because I feel ambivalent about BDSM and feminism myself. When I role-played with my ex-boyfriend, I felt less compunction; the man lived with me, knew how I felt about gender roles and his ordering me around in the bedroom had no consequences in our relationship. But now that I am single and that I'm considering casual sex, I don't know how to play it...I've never had casual sex, let alone casual BDSM, which sounds like a contradiction in terms. How can I trust someone if I don't know them well enough? And will my partners respect the fact that I am submissive in bed but assertive in life? Yes, this is a troubling topic to me. I'm glad whenever you broach this topic, because I feel ambivalent about BDSM and feminism myself. When I role-played with my ex-boyfriend, I felt less compunction; the man lived with me, knew how I felt about gender roles and his ordering me around in the bedroom had no consequences in our relationship. But now that I am single and that I'm considering casual sex, I don't know how to play it…I've never had casual sex, let alone casual BDSM, which sounds like a contradiction in terms. How can I trust someone if I don't know them well enough? And will my partners respect the fact that I am submissive in bed but assertive in life? Yes, this is a troubling topic to me.

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