Comments on: Triggered http://britisshameless.com/2009/05/triggered/ I'm nothing but a brash and impetuous girl striving to be true to myself while searching for somewhere to belong, someone to love, and a better version of me. Thu, 18 Nov 2010 02:47:46 +0000 hourly 1 By: Samantha http://britisshameless.com/2009/05/triggered/comment-page-1/#comment-2942 Samantha Sun, 17 May 2009 06:58:00 +0000 http://britisshameless.com/?p=721#comment-2942 Britni you are quite right. It's been years since the last time my husband raped me. But I still have nightmares and flashbacks and never quite know when (or why) I'm going to be triggered by something. I, like so many women, stayed with him for ten years and all the abuse. Yes, quite oftenh it was just easier and less painful to give him what he wanted than risk the abuse that would result from not doing what he wanted. <br /><br />What kind of sicko would bo that, the very same kind who would use and abuse someone for years without thought to their feelings and then scream "You know life isn't all about you all the time!!!" the one time I asked for anything. What did I ask for? A hug and some emotional support. To know that there was home, that he still loved me the way he did (I thought) when we first met. <br /><br />Turns out he never really loved me. He didn't even know what love really was. He was a sociopath. That's the kind of sicko.<br /><br />Britni, I'm so sorry you have to know what this is like, that you've ever (that any of us have ever) had to suffer this way.<br /><br />I have had times when I have no idea what set me off. I'd be out driving from one place to another and suddenly wanted to run the car head first into a bridge abutment as fast as I could in the hopes I'd be killed instantly. I've had to pull off into a parking lot somewhere, lock the keys in the turnk and sit there and shriek and cry, and die all over again. Then, when I was spent and looking like death warmed over, I'd call AAA to get my keys out of the trunk.<br /><br />There were times I'd wake up shrieking in the morning, in so much pain that it would trigger another flashback. Didn't want to be awake because I lived in terror of a flashback, didn't want to sleep because of the nightmares.<br /><br />Couldn't go anywhere or do anything for years because I was so immobilized with fear. Fear of flashbacks, panic attacks that would leave me wishing I'd die and get it over with. It's been a long, long road, and I still have a long way to go before I sleep.<br /><br />Yeah, rape of all kinds happens more often than anyone cares to discuss. There's also emotional rape, which I'm not even going to get into here.<br /><br />Anyway, I just wanted to say I know how you feel, and I'm sorry that you have to deal with anything like this.<br /><br />For those interested, I wrote a piece about it four years ago that's no less true today than it was four years ago. Pleas be careful if you go to read it, it can be all sorts of triggery.<br /> http://tinyurl.com/p5rsf4<br /><br />Sam Britni you are quite right. It's been years since the last time my husband raped me. But I still have nightmares and flashbacks and never quite know when (or why) I'm going to be triggered by something. I, like so many women, stayed with him for ten years and all the abuse. Yes, quite oftenh it was just easier and less painful to give him what he wanted than risk the abuse that would result from not doing what he wanted.

What kind of sicko would bo that, the very same kind who would use and abuse someone for years without thought to their feelings and then scream "You know life isn't all about you all the time!!!" the one time I asked for anything. What did I ask for? A hug and some emotional support. To know that there was home, that he still loved me the way he did (I thought) when we first met.

Turns out he never really loved me. He didn't even know what love really was. He was a sociopath. That's the kind of sicko.

Britni, I'm so sorry you have to know what this is like, that you've ever (that any of us have ever) had to suffer this way.

I have had times when I have no idea what set me off. I'd be out driving from one place to another and suddenly wanted to run the car head first into a bridge abutment as fast as I could in the hopes I'd be killed instantly. I've had to pull off into a parking lot somewhere, lock the keys in the turnk and sit there and shriek and cry, and die all over again. Then, when I was spent and looking like death warmed over, I'd call AAA to get my keys out of the trunk.

There were times I'd wake up shrieking in the morning, in so much pain that it would trigger another flashback. Didn't want to be awake because I lived in terror of a flashback, didn't want to sleep because of the nightmares.

Couldn't go anywhere or do anything for years because I was so immobilized with fear. Fear of flashbacks, panic attacks that would leave me wishing I'd die and get it over with. It's been a long, long road, and I still have a long way to go before I sleep.

Yeah, rape of all kinds happens more often than anyone cares to discuss. There's also emotional rape, which I'm not even going to get into here.

Anyway, I just wanted to say I know how you feel, and I'm sorry that you have to deal with anything like this.

For those interested, I wrote a piece about it four years ago that's no less true today than it was four years ago. Pleas be careful if you go to read it, it can be all sorts of triggery.
http://tinyurl.com/p5rsf4

Sam

]]> By: Britni TheVadgeWig http://britisshameless.com/2009/05/triggered/comment-page-1/#comment-2921 Britni TheVadgeWig Fri, 15 May 2009 17:19:00 +0000 http://britisshameless.com/?p=721#comment-2921 Roland, the same kind that beats the shit out of her for years and years. It's really sad but happens so much more often than you think. Not only domestic violence and not only rape, but marital rape happens far more often than anyone cares to discuss. Roland, the same kind that beats the shit out of her for years and years. It's really sad but happens so much more often than you think. Not only domestic violence and not only rape, but marital rape happens far more often than anyone cares to discuss.

]]> By: Roland Hulme http://britisshameless.com/2009/05/triggered/comment-page-1/#comment-2920 Roland Hulme Fri, 15 May 2009 17:14:00 +0000 http://britisshameless.com/?p=721#comment-2920 What sort of sicko would actually be able to get hard and have sex when his wife is sobbing? What sort of sicko would actually be able to get hard and have sex when his wife is sobbing?

]]> By: PrettyPrettyPrincess http://britisshameless.com/2009/05/triggered/comment-page-1/#comment-2918 PrettyPrettyPrincess Fri, 15 May 2009 14:51:00 +0000 http://britisshameless.com/?p=721#comment-2918 My heart hurts for you. I am constantly amazed and humbled by the fact that you can do the work that you do, not just because you were assaulted, but because it must be so hard to be exposed to so much pain and yet retain the necessary distance to be able to help. I say this as someone who got her degree in psychology but realized halfway through my degree that I didn't have it in me to be able to help without being consumed.<br /><br />You are so strong, B. <3 My heart hurts for you. I am constantly amazed and humbled by the fact that you can do the work that you do, not just because you were assaulted, but because it must be so hard to be exposed to so much pain and yet retain the necessary distance to be able to help. I say this as someone who got her degree in psychology but realized halfway through my degree that I didn't have it in me to be able to help without being consumed.

You are so strong, B. <3

]]> By: Lori D http://britisshameless.com/2009/05/triggered/comment-page-1/#comment-2917 Lori D Fri, 15 May 2009 13:41:00 +0000 http://britisshameless.com/?p=721#comment-2917 Powerful indeed. I get triggered back to a certain negative thing that happened as an early teen, and I don't like it at all. Time does not heal ALL wounds, but we do fight for healing. You're an awesome fighter, B. Powerful indeed. I get triggered back to a certain negative thing that happened as an early teen, and I don't like it at all. Time does not heal ALL wounds, but we do fight for healing. You're an awesome fighter, B.

]]> By: Sa http://britisshameless.com/2009/05/triggered/comment-page-1/#comment-2913 Sa Fri, 15 May 2009 07:19:00 +0000 http://britisshameless.com/?p=721#comment-2913 What a powerful story. This is quite close to home as well. Thanks! What a powerful story. This is quite close to home as well. Thanks!

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