I'm happy that you have supportive children and that you are healing, one day at a time. It's always helpful to do some research on emotional abuse and how to spot it/overcome it. If you ever want any resources, feel free to let me know.

Everyone else: Thank you so much for sharing your stories. It really means a lot and takes a lot of courage and strength to talk about things like this, even to yourself. You are all amazing.

But it's not always the man abusing the woman – I suffered emotional abuse from my ex-wife for 15 years of marriage and ten years of co-parenting since we split up. I'm still trying to undo the impact of the belittling and manipulation which I suffered through.

Until a year or two ago, I wasn't ready to even think of actually dating again. Not that I was bitter, but rather feeling undeserving. But, now, my 15yo son has moved in with me and his social life is more active than mine. He and my daughter in college have made me realize that I need to be strong and compassionate to help them deal with the ex as well. She may be my ex, but she'll be their parent forever.

Keep your head up, and know that they were the one with the problem. We just have wounds, which will heal. They will still have a problem.

I think what you wrote gave me a bit of perspective on the abusive relationship I used to have with my father. (I say "used to have" because I now have no contact with him at all) I've always felt that there was something that crossed the line with my dad's behavior, besides the sexual abuse, but I never had a clear idea of what that line was. This post has clarified some of that for me, so thank you.

Best of luck in rising above! You're right that understanding and admitting is the first step…a HUGE step. I'm proud of you for making that step.

My dad emotionally abused my mom. Sometimes that's hard for me to type, even though I was the one who encouraged her to get out for good 8 years ago (she did). Sometimes I want to try and rationalize it, like when my dad is nice to me, I'll think, "How could he have done all that shit to mom?" But he did. And if I ever do have any doubts, I think of the way he treated the dogs, and then I get kind of sad and angry. Or I think of how he tried to cut my mom off from her parents. Now I'm getting ragey again. Even back then, he would treat me and my brother decently but my mom like shit (although he and my brother also clashed).

Like you, maybe I still have issues to work out. But thank you for posting this. Sometimes I feel like this is an ongoing conversation with myself that will never really end or be resolved.

I commend you for helping others in that situation.

That's when I became determined to find a genuinely good guy. There is not one thing that he does that can be considered abuse. Yet I sometimes (not too often though) find myself being mean to him for no reason. Saying things that aren't nice. I always realize after the fact that he doesn't deserve it and that I was wrong and I apologize like crazy. I'm just fearful that one day he won't forgive me.

Like you, I realize the problem is within myself. And I know what to do to fix it. It's just a matter of reconditioning ourselves.

I understand that it takes a long time to work out and then to work through these things. It think you're right, though, that identifying and admitting it is a first step. I hope it helps you.