Comments on: Judging Victims of Domestic Violence is Never Okay http://britisshameless.com/2009/02/judging-victims-of-domestic-violence-is-never-okay/ I'm nothing but a brash and impetuous girl striving to be true to myself while searching for somewhere to belong, someone to love, and a better version of me. Thu, 18 Nov 2010 02:47:46 +0000 hourly 1 By: April http://britisshameless.com/2009/02/judging-victims-of-domestic-violence-is-never-okay/comment-page-1/#comment-1733 April Tue, 03 Mar 2009 22:32:00 +0000 http://britisshameless.com/?p=535#comment-1733 I was in an abusive marriage too. It's the reason why I left, actually. Having been in that situation I believe that it takes a mentally strong woman to be able to leave. It's hard. VERY hard. Because even though you've had to lie to your friends and family about your black eye, you absolutely LOVE that man. But it's not love. The truth is that the woman is so scared of leaving because of the change, the fear, the unknown, the uncertainty, who knows? So she grasps on to the feelings she felt for the man in the beginning....when he *wasn't* beating the shit out of her, calling her a fat whore, and just breaking her down to the point where she just doesn't even know who she is anymore. Where did the man she fell in love with go? She knows he's in there and she's going to desperately try to make him be the way he was, before he started abusing her. Truth is, he was ALWAYS that way. And it takes a long time to figure that out. It takes the woman finally saying, "Who the fuck am I? Where did the woman I once was go? Why the fuck am I dealing with this bullshit? I am better than that and I'm getting the fuck out!"<br /><br />I remember so clearly the day I left my ex-husband. It felt SO FUCKING GOOD! There were no tears, just a feeling of a weight being lifted off my entire body. Like I was free. <br /><br />Anyway, it is easy to see why people judge in situations like this because it makes no sense what so ever why women go back to the men who abuse them. Even I, having gone through that, shook my head when I read that Rhianna went back to him. Not so much in disapproval, but more because she's famous. She's got plenty of money to be able to not live with him, she's beautiful and can have any man she wants. So while I understand why she stays, it still just doesn't make any sense. I just hope that she realizes soon that she doesn't deserve to be treated that way and will move on to someone better. I was in an abusive marriage too. It's the reason why I left, actually. Having been in that situation I believe that it takes a mentally strong woman to be able to leave. It's hard. VERY hard. Because even though you've had to lie to your friends and family about your black eye, you absolutely LOVE that man. But it's not love. The truth is that the woman is so scared of leaving because of the change, the fear, the unknown, the uncertainty, who knows? So she grasps on to the feelings she felt for the man in the beginning….when he *wasn't* beating the shit out of her, calling her a fat whore, and just breaking her down to the point where she just doesn't even know who she is anymore. Where did the man she fell in love with go? She knows he's in there and she's going to desperately try to make him be the way he was, before he started abusing her. Truth is, he was ALWAYS that way. And it takes a long time to figure that out. It takes the woman finally saying, "Who the fuck am I? Where did the woman I once was go? Why the fuck am I dealing with this bullshit? I am better than that and I'm getting the fuck out!"

I remember so clearly the day I left my ex-husband. It felt SO FUCKING GOOD! There were no tears, just a feeling of a weight being lifted off my entire body. Like I was free.

Anyway, it is easy to see why people judge in situations like this because it makes no sense what so ever why women go back to the men who abuse them. Even I, having gone through that, shook my head when I read that Rhianna went back to him. Not so much in disapproval, but more because she's famous. She's got plenty of money to be able to not live with him, she's beautiful and can have any man she wants. So while I understand why she stays, it still just doesn't make any sense. I just hope that she realizes soon that she doesn't deserve to be treated that way and will move on to someone better.

]]> By: alana http://britisshameless.com/2009/02/judging-victims-of-domestic-violence-is-never-okay/comment-page-1/#comment-1722 alana Mon, 02 Mar 2009 08:56:00 +0000 http://britisshameless.com/?p=535#comment-1722 This is one of those issues where it’s really easy to judge a person. A lot of people don’t even seem to notice that they’re doing it in the first place.<br /><br />My mom stayed in an abusive relationship with my father for over ten years. When I was old enough to know better, I asked what made her finally leave. She said she couldn’t let us girls grow up thinking that’s what love is. It’s one of those little things that have stayed with me.<br /><br />The saddest part of it all is it taught her to respond to anger with violence and she went on to attack other men she dated. They would respond by becoming physical as well. It’s a heartbreaking and vicious circle. There’s no way for people to truly grasp the magnitude of the situation if they haven’t had to live with it. This is one of those issues where it’s really easy to judge a person. A lot of people don’t even seem to notice that they’re doing it in the first place.

My mom stayed in an abusive relationship with my father for over ten years. When I was old enough to know better, I asked what made her finally leave. She said she couldn’t let us girls grow up thinking that’s what love is. It’s one of those little things that have stayed with me.

The saddest part of it all is it taught her to respond to anger with violence and she went on to attack other men she dated. They would respond by becoming physical as well. It’s a heartbreaking and vicious circle. There’s no way for people to truly grasp the magnitude of the situation if they haven’t had to live with it.

]]> By: blueeyedtawni http://britisshameless.com/2009/02/judging-victims-of-domestic-violence-is-never-okay/comment-page-1/#comment-1709 blueeyedtawni Sun, 01 Mar 2009 14:48:00 +0000 http://britisshameless.com/?p=535#comment-1709 oh wow i was reading the wheel thing.. on so many levels i can connect with it that my ex has done to me . and i stayed with that bastard for 16 years for a few reasons but the biggest was he threatened to take my kids from me if i ever left.<br /> granted i was 17 when we married but still he had a lot of control over me and the guilt he enjoyed cutting me down so much. towards the end when i started fighting back was when he started trying to get violent. that when i started telling him go ahead do it and he wouldnt..<br />it is hard to leave when you dont have means to support yourself and your kids. and have someone to support you..<br /> it goes back to that rule a lot of times sadly. keep your business in your family. <br /><br />thanks for posting this!!!!!!!! oh wow i was reading the wheel thing.. on so many levels i can connect with it that my ex has done to me . and i stayed with that bastard for 16 years for a few reasons but the biggest was he threatened to take my kids from me if i ever left.
granted i was 17 when we married but still he had a lot of control over me and the guilt he enjoyed cutting me down so much. towards the end when i started fighting back was when he started trying to get violent. that when i started telling him go ahead do it and he wouldnt..
it is hard to leave when you dont have means to support yourself and your kids. and have someone to support you..
it goes back to that rule a lot of times sadly. keep your business in your family.

thanks for posting this!!!!!!!!

]]> By: Meg http://britisshameless.com/2009/02/judging-victims-of-domestic-violence-is-never-okay/comment-page-1/#comment-1708 Meg Sun, 01 Mar 2009 05:57:00 +0000 http://britisshameless.com/?p=535#comment-1708 Bravo! Beautifully written and oh, so true. Bravo! Beautifully written and oh, so true.

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